IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The use of cell phones (mobiles phones) has grown rapidly in the past few years. People use them for both business and personal reasons advantages and disadvantages of the widespread use of cell phones (mobile phones)? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 have become an essential tool in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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no
Rephrase
apply
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matter for business or personal.
Although
Linking Words
 it does bring
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
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 for us
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it
also
Linking Words
remain
Change the verb form
remains
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 some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 when over usage of mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am going to
analysis
Replace the word
analyse
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 the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 bring us convenience when comes to contact with people regardless
how
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of how
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 far they are. For
businessman
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businessmen
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, they can close a business deal by using the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
. It
do
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does
show examples
 help them save a lot of
times
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time
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. For personal, we can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
friend
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friends
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 and family easily when we are abroad by sending
picture
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pictures
show examples
 or
message
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messages
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay structure by clearly delineating the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. A well-defined conclusion that summarizes key points will reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and experiences to strengthen your arguments. Examples from personal or observed situations can make your points more relatable and concrete.
task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and paragraph completeness. Correcting minor mistakes and completing your thoughts will improve clarity and comprehension.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of mobile phone usage, which is aligned with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented are logically organized, making it relatively easy to follow the progression from one point to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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