IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, it is evident that a
lot
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 of
children
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 tend to enjoy web content for various purposes
instead
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 of using books.
However
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, there is a more persuasive argument that it is beneficial for
children
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 to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
web
programs
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 in order to learn fundamental skills. Opponents
using
Change preposition
of using
show examples
 online argue that visual materials can make young
kids
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 not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
think proactively. Interesting videos stimulate the
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 of
kids
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, and the
kids
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 want to keep pursuing more interesting stuff as time goes by.
In particular
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, young students are easily addicted to the visualized
programs
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 and deny reading books.
For example
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, in South Korea, a
lot
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 of elementary school students are struggling with literacy and the number of
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that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 is continually increasing,
as a result
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 of consistent exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video.
On the other hand
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, there are supporters who strongly believe that online education
programs
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 provide great quality and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are more effective ways than traditional ones.
This
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 leads
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
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 can learn and enjoy complicated subjects without getting any stress.
For instance
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, there are
programs
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such
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 as Alpha
blocks
Capitalize word
Blocks
show examples
 and Number
blocks
Capitalize word
Blocks
show examples
 provided by BBC from the UK.
Kids
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 can acquire a
lot
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 of educational knowledge
such
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 as basic mathematics and phonics just by merrily singing joyful songs or simple chants.
To sum up
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, it is an undeniable fact that there are a
lot
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 of disadvantages of online
programs
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 for
children
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.
Nevertheless
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, I firmly believe that well-developed online courses can be great sources for
kids
Use synonyms
 to learn in a more efficient way.

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task achievement
Ensure that an equal amount of detail and analysis is provided for both views to enhance balance.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is quite coherent, transitional phrases could be used more effectively to clearly link the arguments between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay opens with a balanced introduction and concludes with a solid opinion, which strengthens the overall coherence.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples like the Alpha blocks and Number blocks programs aids in supporting the arguments comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interactive learning
  • Digital resources
  • Vast range of learning materials
  • Curated content
  • Misinformation
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Socio-economic divide
  • Global connections
  • Learning styles
  • Traditional educational methods
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