IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Tell me about your self and your family ?and what is your dream job?

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Hi
Add the punctuation
Hi,
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 my name is Redh Jaffer Almahroos
i
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I
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 am 14 years old
i
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I
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 live in Saudi Arabia in Qatif and
i
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I
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born
Add a missing verb
was born
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 in Qatif. I live with my family we are four me ,my brother and my parents.we stay in an apartment.
for
Capitalize word
For
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 me
i
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I
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 have a good life
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am with my family and we
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not any
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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. My brother is in Makah because he studies
in
Change preposition
at
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 university,on
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand he goes back to Qatif every weekend
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is a good idea,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 we miss him because you know my family is consistent
by
Change preposition
with
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 four people only. My dream job is
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 my brother,we have the same idea. We
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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want to be a doctor
due to
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 you can
safe
Replace the word
save
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 your future
that is
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 a really great advantage
also
Linking Words
 if you are a doctor you will be
a
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apply
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famous and they will give you a lot of money so it is a wonderful job. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 want to be
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
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furthermore
Linking Words
 my parents want me to be a great man or someone who can help the homeland.

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task by describing yourself, your family, and your dream job, which shows a good understanding of the task requirement. However, try to add a bit more detail about your personal and family experiences to make the response richer.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, but occasional clarity issues arise, such as in the discussion of your brother's studies and visits. Clarifying these points a bit more would enhance the overall comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Your logical structure is evident, moving from personal introduction to family description, and finally to discussing your dream job. However, make sure to use conjunctions and transitional phrases more effectively to smoothen the flow between sentences.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is clear, and you end with aspirations that summarize your view of the future. To strengthen your conclusion, consider reflecting on how your family supports your dreams, linking your narrative.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are reasonably supported, but try to enhance them with specific details or examples, like describing an incident that made you want to become a doctor.
task achievement
You've effectively covered all the key elements of the task, showcasing a clear understanding of what was asked.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your essay is logical and easy to follow, with distinct sections for self-introduction, family, and dream job.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for your future career as a doctor is palpable, which adds passionate insight to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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