IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To meet the growing need for food to support an increasing population, a country should make use of edible insects as a food source. However, some people believe that insects are not only unhealthy but harvesting them will also negatively affect nature. What are the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The shortage of
food
Use synonyms
 has become a matter of significant concern and
people
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 seek
for
Change preposition
apply
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new alternative
food
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 resources
such
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 as
insect
Fix the agreement mistake
insects
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why the drawbacks of consuming
insects
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 overshadow the potential benefits. On the one hand, making
insects
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 as a source of
food
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 could offer two benefits for
people
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 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
insects
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 are quite abundant because they reproduce rapidly. It means that
people
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 can easily catch them for eating
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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,
having to not
Verb problem
without
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worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
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 that they will run out of
stocks
Fix the agreement mistake
stock
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.
Secondly
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,
due to
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 the
insects
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' variety of
specieses
Correct your spelling
species
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,
people
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 will not get bored by the taste.
For instance
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, my mother used to eat fried
grasshopper
Fix the agreement mistake
grasshoppers
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 because,
according to
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 her, it tasted the same as
friend
Correct your spelling
fried
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 chicken. But once she got bored with the taste, she would eat fried flying termite.
On the other hand
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,
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insects
Change the noun form
insect
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 consumption can pose more challenges.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the
insects
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' appearance, it will be hard to convince
people
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 to consume
insects
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 because most of them are not familiar with eating them
as well as
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 scared of them.
As a result
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,
people
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 would rather starve than
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
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insects
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.
Secondly
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, there are many
specieses
Correct your spelling
species
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 of
insects
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 that are not discovered yet which means
people
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 do not know yet whether the
insects
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 they will eat are poisonous or not.
Furthermore
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, harvesting
insects
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 will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 negative impacts on the environment. There are quite a lot of
insects
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 that eat crops, which means their rapid growth will destroy the farmers' crops.
In addition
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, some
insects
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 have bacteria which can be spread to
people
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. In conclusion,
while
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insects
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 could be a prominent source of
food
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due to
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 their massive number and different tastes, they can make
people
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 suffer from hunger and disease
as well as
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 destroy crops.
Therefore
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, I remain firmly convinced that the benefits are eclipsed by the drawbacks.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced analysis of the benefits and drawbacks of eating insects by discussing more points for each side. This will enhance the thoroughness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is supported with more comprehensive ideas and logical connections. This will help convey your points more effectively to the reader.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a good structure.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support your points, such as the personal anecdote about your mother. This makes your argument more relatable and concrete.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • food scarcity
  • edible insects
  • nutritional benefits
  • cultural barriers
  • psychological barriers
  • mainstream food source
  • carbon footprint
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • environmentally sustainable
  • economic benefits
  • local farmers
  • health safety
  • allergies
  • pesticides
  • pollutants
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • regulations
  • hygiene
  • unforeseen consequences
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