Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals think that the most effective way to enhance the
health
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of the public is to increase
sports
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facilities
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while
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others believe that
this
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will have a small effect on public
health
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. I personally believe that
while
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advanced
sports
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facilities
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helps
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help
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to improve public
health
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because
sports
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involves
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involve
show examples
physical movements, to improve public
health
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other
steps
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should be taken because those
steps
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are mandatory and related to the improvement of public
health
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. If the government improves
sports
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facilities
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, it will enhance the
overall
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public
health
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because
sports
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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associated with physical activities. If advanced and adequate
sports
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facilities
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are available for a nation, they will be encouraged to participate in various
sports
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and physical activities, which will improve their
health
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.
For instance
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, Japan provides improved
sports
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facilities
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to its citizens,
such
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as necessary
sports
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equipment, playgrounds and professional trainers, which inspires people to engage in numerous
sports
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and
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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improves the
overall
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public
health
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.
However
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, I personally think that only improving
sports
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facilities
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is not enough to improve public
health
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. To improve public
health
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, other appropriate measures should be taken, because they are essential and
relavant
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relevant
to the improvement of public
health
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. If the state takes other important
steps
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such
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as monitoring the food quality and improving the healthcare system, these will contribute to
enhance
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enhancing
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the
health
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of the public.
For instance
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, in Bangladesh, the government strictly monitor the quality of food in the market, which helps to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
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public
health
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, prevent diseases and increase the life expectancy of its citizens.
Therefore
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, I assert that taking other essential measures by the state is mandatory to improve public
health
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. In conclusion, I personally think that
although
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proper
sports
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facilities
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allow the citizens of a country to improve their
health
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, other effective
steps
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should
also
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be taken to improve public
health
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bacause
Correct your spelling
because
they are necessary to improve the
health
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of the public.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the next to improve the flow of your essay. Consider using more varied linking expressions.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in your essay, offering a stronger final statement about your opinion.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas in more depth, perhaps by explaining the mechanisms by which sports facilities impact public health, beyond promoting physical activity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views and gives a personal opinion, which addresses the task prompt well.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as references to Japan and Bangladesh, effectively illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which frame the discussion well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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