IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays, people all over the world are spending more and more time apart from their families. Why is this happening? How does this affect people and their families? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is a well-known fact that people spend more time on their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 rather than family compared to old times. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss and give my view
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend was formed.
First,
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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 in the cost of living and pressure of living,
thus
Linking Words
 people are looking for a better opportunity in the big city in order to earn more to support family expenses.
For example
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Replace the word
Malaysian
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 citizens work in Singapore as the Singapore currency is higher.
This
Linking Words
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
 people
leave
Fix the infinitive
to leave
show examples
 their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
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 and
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 in Singapore.
In addition
Linking Words
,
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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 always have more employment
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
,
However
Linking Words
, it may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to some
families
Change noun form
family's
families'
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a dramatic increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 divorce as
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
seperations
Correct your spelling
separations
 and children
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been neglected as both parents
are work
Change the verb form
are working
show examples
 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 live with them. In
conclusions
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusion
show examples
, getting a better life for
Correct your spelling
families
famlilies
Correct your spelling
families
 is important but the problems are

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical sequence. Consider using linking words or phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay should include a clear introduction and conclusion. Though there is an introduction, the conclusion seems incomplete.
task achievement
Develop the provided ideas more fully and ensure that the response addresses all parts of the question thoroughly.
task achievement
Provide more examples or evidence to support your points, and make sure that your ideas are fully explained to make the essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main topic and presents relevant points about the reasons and effects of individuals living apart from their families.
task achievement
You have made attempts to clarify why people move to big cities and how this affects their families, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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