IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that online shopping is more convenient and beneficial, while others argue that traditional shopping offers a better experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In today’s non-stop marketing bombarding, several popular brands are working hard to provide many products and services.
Hence
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, there are two major pathways to acquire commodities; the traditional manner where going to the physical store is necessary, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online shopping where a technological
devide
Correct your spelling
device
divide
decide
 is needed. On
this
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 account, some people strongly support the traditional purchase
while
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 others the contemporary one. From my point of view, I concur with e-commerce as not only can you buy from the
confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
 of your house, but
also
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 more economical prices can be found. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both viewpoints before sharing my personal opinion. On the one hand, there are plenty of apps and websites that enable users to
chose
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choose
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 from a range of items, from clothing to electronic devices.
In addition
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,
this
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 buying style permits people to compare articles among different costs, bargains, qualities, and how satisfied are previous buyers.
In addition
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, having a shipping service that guarantees the delivery of the product is always a significant benefit of it. Acquiring goods from
this
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 method allows us to dedicate
time
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 to vital activities
such
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 as work, spending
time
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 with family or just relaxation.
On the other hand
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, some individuals are adept at experiencing the traditional purchasing style. It means, trying on clothing, window shopping, visiting stores and hunting bargains.
Moreover
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, the action itself can be entertaining and therapeutic for buyers. A recent study
leaded
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led
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 by
an
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the
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 University of Mexico demonstrated that
the
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apply
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45% of the tested people mitigate some stress symptoms
at
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during
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 the buying session.
Instead
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of
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apply
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that
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apply
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, it has limitations as not only does shopping decrease symptoms from psychological issues, but
also
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 other recreational activities
such
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 as exercise have better outcomes to improve well-being. For that reason, I am into online retailing since I give extreme value to my
time
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 and money. In conclusion, there are two major means to acquire merchandise ,and both insights have
a
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relevant merit.
However
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, I encounter
essential
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the need
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 to destinate value
time
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 doing meaningful activities rather than spending
time
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 buying physically.

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style
Ensure that the entire essay is written in formal English. While your points are strong, there are a few informal phrases such as 'at the buying session' which could be made more formal.
grammar
Be careful with small inaccuracies such as 'technological devide' which should be 'technological device'. These small errors can be distracting.
support
Provide stronger supporting examples. You mentioned a study, but details were sparse. Incorporate more specific data to strengthen your arguments.
structure
Clarify the structure in some areas – make sure that each paragraph has a clear main point and doesn't mix too many ideas together.
accuracy
Double-check any statistical claims or ensure they are more effectively integrated into the essay for coherence.
structure
Good introduction and conclusion framing the topic and personal opinion.
style
Logical structure with clear division of views and personal stance.
task
Balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, showing understanding of different perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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