IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people are spending an increasing amount of time on tablets and phones as a form of entertainment. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of young
people
Use synonyms
 are spending a huge amount of money on their gadgets as it is
convenient
Add an article
a convenient
show examples
 form of entertainment.
However
Linking Words
, the pros that come with
this
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 tendency are not beneficial enough to cover the negative sides. First of all, it is believed that almost any type of
gadgets
Fix the agreement mistake
gadget
show examples
 has negative consequences if
overuse
Wrong verb form
overused
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, and
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 adolescent
people
Use synonyms
 are likely to use
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 phones, computers, etc. more than allowed to
keep
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 healthy.
This
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 leads to some issues with
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
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such
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 as
worsen
Wrong verb form
worsened
show examples
eye sight
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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,
back aches
Correct your spelling
backaches
show examples
,
dearth
Correct article usage
a dearth
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 of vitamin D( which
people
Use synonyms
 receive from sunlight) and sometimes obesity
due to
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 the lack of physical activity. To illustrate, in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
 with the significant breakthrough in technology, teenager's physical health rates suddenly dropped because they started to play games at home
instead
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 of doing other hobbies as usual. On the other side,
this
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 developing trend allows individuals to use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, AI, social media, etc. to find information and interact with others, which is obviously crucial for teenagers and young humans since it develops soft skills.
Moreover
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,
this
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 makes
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 more eloquent because they can learn more facts, and
hence
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 be able to support almost any dialogue.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent study,
people
Use synonyms
 from
gen z
Correct your spelling
Gen Z
show examples
 with internet connection
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 larger lexical
resourse
Correct your spelling
resource
resources
 compared to their parents at the same age,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why they have fewer parasite words in common speech.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 gap is not firmly visible as
old
Fix the agreement mistake
the older
show examples
 generation read more books
at
Change preposition
in
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 their childhood.
To conclude
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,
it is clear that
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 gadget
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on young
people
Use synonyms
, especially on their organism, by forcing them to stay at home and
making
Verb problem
putting
show examples
 stress on their eyes.
Moreover
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, despite the advantages like increased intelligence and soft skills, they cannot
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 its consequences.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to use clear transition words and phrases throughout your essay to ensure a smooth flow of ideas. Adding topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, make sure to provide a balanced view with a clearly expressed personal opinion. Expanding on the advantages could strengthen your argument and give the essay more depth.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive explanation and examples to illustrate your points. Doing so can enhance clarity and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting up your argument effectively and summarizing it well at the end.
task achievement
You provide a solid argument discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of young people using gadgets for entertainment, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
The examples you include, such as the impact of technology in the 2000s and the differences in language skills between generations, help to make your points more tangible and relatable.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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