IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of the television , radio and books as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective

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To begin
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with
Add a comma
with,
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 there is a lot to say about the particular types of
communication
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 ,
such
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 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 television , media and books. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 the most effective method would be by interpreting
information
Use synonyms
 using the TV. Considering the existence of modern technologies,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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books
is
Change the verb form
are
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 quite old fashion
way
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 of
communication
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. A little
while
Linking Words
 ago it was
one
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 of the most accurate conveys,
moreover
Linking Words
, it was the only
one
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 back
then
Linking Words
.
Huge
Correct article usage
A huge
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 amount of society
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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still
their
Add a missing verb
has their
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 personal knowledge by writing and reading
the
Correct article usage
apply
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books. On
Use synonyms
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it is extremely useful and helpful for individuals, who
enjoys
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enjoy
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 reading,
Linking Words
however
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however,
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from
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on
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 the other
hand
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hand,
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 people are more than capable
to find
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of finding
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 all the
information
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 they need on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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.
At the end
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 of the day, radio has lost its purpose.
Couple
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A couple
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 of years ago, we would consider
this
Linking Words
 device as
useful
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a useful
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way
Use synonyms
 of
communication
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 and
information
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,
however
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, nowadays it is not as relevant to the modern world. Radio is still a good
way
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 to inform the society member about the news and discussions. Despite all that, people have invented a wide range of alternatives.
According to
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this
Linking Words
, we may state that the particular device is no longer needed.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the TV is the
modernest
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most modern
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way
Use synonyms
 of
communication
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. Particular device has a list of beneficial things,
however
Linking Words
, the main purpose
of
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is to transfer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
Use synonyms
. Because in comparison to the previous communicative devices,
this
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 will definitely tell you the clearest
way
Use synonyms
.
Yo
Correct your spelling
You
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 may watch and visualise what is going on. Despite all that, it contains a couple of disadvantages, particular technology has a bad impact on individuals
eye
Change noun form
'
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 vision, which is really
pity
Add an article
a pity
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. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 each person has to decide which devise is the most suitable and comfortable to use. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the most suitable and comfortable option is the TV because of the clearance and trueness of the
information
Use synonyms
 it
is containing
Wrong verb form
contains
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.

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your opinions. For instance, mention specific programs or experiences with each media type.
Coherence and Cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow between ideas and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking phrases to connect ideas more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts logically.
Task Achievement
You've highlighted both advantages and disadvantages of each communication method, which demonstrates a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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