IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Technology
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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 been drastically improved in the past twenty years. Few
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 can
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the gap between wealthy and underprivileged
people
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. I completely agree with the above statement and give my opinion in the
further
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 paragraphs. On the one hand, technological advancements
such
Linking Words
 as artificial intelligence, automated robots, gadgets and electric vehicles increased
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity and
saves
Wrong verb form
saved
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 the time of the rich
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, industrialists use robotic
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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 to improve the yield of products and sell
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for high
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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. By using robots production
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
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 become low but profit is high.
Moreover
Linking Words
, rich
people
Use synonyms
 use
technology
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 mostly
for increasing
Change preposition
to increase
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 their wealth rather than for entertainment purposes. Recent studies
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 that innovations in
technology
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 hiked the
networth
Correct your spelling
net worth
 of
ambani
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Ambani
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 by 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 by using Artificial intelligence in oil production.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with recent gadgets like
smartphones
Add a comma
smartphones,
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 one can contact wealthy
people
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 through social media.
For instance
Linking Words
,
recent
Add an article
a recent
the recent
show examples
 newspaper published an article
of
Change preposition
about
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 Bill Gates and
Chaiwala
Correct article usage
a Chaiwala
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 guy sharing
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same stage after becoming friends through Instagram. Even though most rich
people
Use synonyms
 are
consious
Correct your spelling
conscious
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 online platforms with whom they are talking, sometimes they can encounter poor
people
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 and get connected with them. In conclusion, I totally agree
technology
Use synonyms
plays
Verb problem
has
show examples
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 impact on
gap
Add an article
the gap
show examples
 between rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each point presented is fully developed with clear examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer introduction that outlines both perspectives before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Aim to provide a more balanced discussion by equally exploring both views before presenting your own opinion.
task achievement
Try to enhance clarity by keeping sentences concise and logically connected.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both perspectives, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The conclusion reflects a personal viewpoint, which is an essential part of the task.
task achievement
Examples are given to support points, particularly the reference to technology's impact on productivity and wealth.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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