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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More people will work from home and more student will study at home if computer technology becomes cheap and accessible. What will be the advantage and disadvantage if this happen?

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Technology is evolving rapidly, enabling more people to
work
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 and
study
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 online. If computers become more efficient and affordable, a larger number of individuals will choose to
work
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 and
study
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 from home.
While
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 the trend has its benefits, it
also
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 presents certain challenges.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and provide a final opinion. On the one hand, remote
work
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 and
study
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 offer greater flexibility and time efficiency. Individuals can manage their schedules more effectively, allowing them to balance
work
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,
study
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, and personal life.
For instance
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, students studying from home can take breaks when necessary, improving concentration and reducing stress.
Likewise
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, employees working remotely can eliminate the need for lengthy commutes, saving both time and money.
Additionally
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, home-based
work
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 and education reduce expenses, as individuals spend less on transportation, meals, and office attire.
On the other hand
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, that shift
also
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 has significant drawbacks. One major issue is social isolation, as excessive time spent at home can lead to a decline in communication skills and emotional well-being.
Furthermore
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, a sedentary lifestyle becomes more common, increasing health risks
such
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 as obesity and cardiovascular diseases.
According to
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 a
study
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 by Oxford University, a balanced routine that includes both indoor and outdoor activities is essential for maintaining mental and physical health.
In addition
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, some professions and academic fields require hands-on experience, making remote learning or working less effective in certain industries. In conclusion, whilst technological advancements make remote
work
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 and
study
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 more accessible and convenient, they bring challenges related to social interaction, physical health, and practical experience as well.
Although
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 the future may see a rise in home-based lifestyles, a mix of online and in-person activities would be the best solution.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate the points, such as a particular industry or field of study that benefits from remote work or education.
coherence cohesion
While coherence is strong, you could strengthen cohesion by using more varied transition words and phrases to better guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and provides a thoughtful final opinion, reinforcing the coherence of the essay.
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