IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
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debates
Correct subject-verb agreement
debate
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 that,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation should choose
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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job
Use synonyms
 which they are interested in,
while
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 others think they should be realistic and consider their future.
In
Change preposition
This
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this
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 essay will
be discussed
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 both sides of
this
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 concept and
explained
Wrong verb form
explain
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 why choosing
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 which they want is
more
Change the word
apply
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better. On the one
side
Add a comma
side,
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people
Use synonyms
 believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should be realistic and think about their future when choosing a
job
Use synonyms
.
This
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 means considering factors
such
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 as
job
Use synonyms
 security, income, and career growth.
For instance
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,
while
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 pursuing a career as a musician might be exciting, it may not always provide a stable income. By choosing practical jobs, like those in technology or healthcare, young
people
Use synonyms
 can ensure financial stability and avoid struggles in the future.
As a result
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, being realistic can help them achieve a more secure and comfortable life. On the other
side
Add a comma
side,
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 some argue that young 
people
Use synonyms
 should choose jobs based on their passion and interests.
This
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 is because when
people
Use synonyms
 work in fields they enjoy, they are more likely to feel satisfied and motivated.
For instance
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, a person who loves art may feel happy and productive as a designer or illustrator.
Additionally
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, choosing a
job
Use synonyms
 they like can lead to better performance, as they are willing to put in the effort to succeed.
Therefore
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, pursuing personal interests in career choices can bring long-term happiness and success. In conclusion, in
this
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 essay
explanied
Correct your spelling
explained
 both sides of
this
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 idea in detail and
explanied
Correct your spelling
explained
 because of
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 given above I believe that choosing a
job
Use synonyms
 out of curiosity is more effective.

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Task Achievement
Clarify the thesis statement for a stronger position in the introduction. It would help to explicitly state your final opinion after discussing both views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your paragraphs more clearly. Use topic sentences to indicate the main point of each paragraph. This will improve the essay's logical structure.
Task Achievement
Provide a wider range of specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
Task Achievement
Both sides of the argument are discussed, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
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