IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today.in the interest of the public health ,governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products.do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that smoking and other unhealthy products
includes
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 tobacco are a massive
cause
Use synonyms
 of illness and death as will, and the public
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 and the
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 should cancel it. In
this
Linking Words
Add a comma
assay,
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assay
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will talk about
this
Linking Words
 point of view and my opinion as
will
Correct your spelling
well
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, smoking is a
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 bad thing and
als
Correct your spelling
also
 it will
cause
Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious
deseas
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
Such
Linking Words
 as
unable
Add a missing verb
being unable
show examples
 to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
 it is so bad for
unsmokers
Correct your spelling
nonsmokers
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in
fact
Add the comma(s)
fact,
show examples
 it
Use synonyms
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 a major illness for them more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 the smokers themselves. I remember one of my
collegue
Correct your spelling
colleague
colleagues
 died because of smoking cigarettes
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a really small age, the cigarette
affect
Wrong verb form
affected
show examples
 his breath,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 he died.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
smokerse
Correct your spelling
smokers
smoker
 will find it so difficult to get
red
Correct your spelling
rid
show examples
 of smoking. And that's true if you start smoking you will take a lot of time to get
red
Correct your spelling
rid
show examples
 of smoking. How to solve
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
?
Firstly
Linking Words
 the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health should
band
Correct your spelling
ban
show examples
 all of
Add an article
the thies
show examples
thies
Correct your spelling
these
 kinds of unhealthy products
such
Linking Words
 as cigarettes and other things
includes
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 tobacco.
Secondly
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health should make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
videos
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tobacco products affect our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, that videos will aware a major of citizens
.
Correct word choice
aware.
show examples
Also
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
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taking a major of money from
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 who
sell
Change the verb form
sells
show examples
 it
our
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
bey
Correct your spelling
buys
show examples
 it,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will kind of scare
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people from doing that. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 my opinion is,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
realy bileve
Correct your spelling
really believe
 that smoking will
cause
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
death and illness, as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
mintion befor
Correct your spelling
mentioned before
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 how died because of
smking
Correct your spelling
smoking
. And in my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 agree with people that public health and the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should do
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 about that problem .

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organizational
Organize your thoughts more clearly using paragraphs for introduction, argument, examples, and conclusion.
supportive
Provide more detailed support for your arguments and examples. It's recommended to include statistical data or studies when talking about health issues to make your assertions stronger.
language
Focus on using clear and accurate language to increase readability and decrease confusion. Minor grammatical errors like 'smokers' instead of 'smokerse' should be noticed and corrected.
coherence
Work on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the essay’s flow and coherence.
task response
The essay addresses an important public health issue that is globally relevant, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
conclusive reiteration
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and repeats the author's viewpoint succinctly.
personal example
A personal example included in the essay helps to illustrate the severity of the issue on an individual level.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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