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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons with relevant.

The charts below show the number of working hours per week, in industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons with relevant.
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The two bar charts present
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 of the
employees
Use synonyms
 in
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
show examples
 sector in two different European countries ( Denmark ,
France
Correct word choice
and France
show examples
) during 2002. From
Linking Words
overall
Add an article
an overall
show examples
 perspective ,the vast majority percentage of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 work between 31-35
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly in France
while
Linking Words
 , in Denmark, most the
employees
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 between 36-40
hours
Use synonyms
 each week . At the onset , in France , the proportion of people who
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 between 31-35
houres
Correct your spelling
hours
show examples
 was the dominant
while
Linking Words
 the people who
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 between 36-40 came at the second number with less than 40% .
Furthermre
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
 the number of workers 20% for those who
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 for the long
hours
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
 , less than 10% of
franch
Correct your spelling
french
employees
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
works
Use synonyms
 for
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 periods from 1 hour to 30
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
 to
thise
Correct your spelling
those
 who
Use synonyms
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 extra
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly between 41- 45
hours
Use synonyms
 and plus 50
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , in
Denmark
Add a comma
Denmark,
show examples
 the people who
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 between 36 -40
hours
Use synonyms
 each week
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most significant portion of the
employees
Use synonyms
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with 70%
while
Linking Words
 those who
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 between 31 and 35
hours
Use synonyms
 came
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second position with more than 20% .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , almost 10% of the
employees
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 for less than 30
hours
Use synonyms
 and more than 40
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, employees, works with synonyms.
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