IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are an increasing number of serious crime committed each year. while some people say the best way would be to use the death penalty as deterrent, many people say that other measures will be needed. discuss both views and give opinoin.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
Correct article usage
Crime
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 rising during
this
Linking Words
 day and it increasing each year .to
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
this
Linking Words
isue
Correct your spelling
issue
 some
people
Use synonyms
 give
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 opinion to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 punishment
while
Linking Words
 others say the government should use
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
proceduers
Correct your spelling
procedure
procedures
 to control
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 behaviour in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 and give
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 never have any control
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
act
Replace the word
actions
show examples
,and it
possible
Change the adjective
possibly
show examples
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to many issues .
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 is a result
unwarenes
Correct your spelling
unawareness
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
 so they need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
real
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
show examples
 and rules to be
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 and to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citiziens
Correct your spelling
citizens
.
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
 penalty is one of the
taugh
Correct your spelling
greatest
panushment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 ,so they think it will be a good solution to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 and
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
scary
Replace the word
scare
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a bad thing
for example
Linking Words
, in Gulf Countries use
this
Linking Words
panelty
Correct your spelling
penalty
panel
 to decline the numbers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 in the
society
Use synonyms
 . on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand ,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 need
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
chance
Use synonyms
 to be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
good in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 .so group of
people
Use synonyms
 think
Correct your spelling
there
thier
Use synonyms
 is a
chance
Use synonyms
 to help them and give them a
chance
Use synonyms
 .
for example
Linking Words
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 They give the
crimenal
Correct your spelling
criminal
criminals
chance
Use synonyms
 to become
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
helpful in the
society
Use synonyms
 by
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 them a clear instruction and let them join a
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
 type of the works in the
society
Use synonyms
 and offer for them the way to be better and to enhance
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 the future out of the
crime
Use synonyms
.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to help
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this person
these people
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to become good and helpful is best to let them find
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 self and they will provide a great job because they will survive
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
musirable
Correct your spelling
miserable
musical
 life.
finaly
Correct your spelling
Finally
, find a helpful
panelty
Correct your spelling
penalty
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimenal
Correct your spelling
criminal
criminals
 will provide an ideal
opertuinty
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for the government and will help to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a realistic
systeam
Correct your spelling
system
 in the world and give
Use synonyms
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to those
crimenal
Correct your spelling
criminal
criminals
 will
opean
Correct your spelling
open
 a new
huemanbeing
Correct your spelling
human being
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical flow between ideas. Consider using transition words such as 'Firstly,' 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' etc., to help with this.
coherence cohesion
Work on supporting your main points with more detailed examples or facts. This will help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar usage. Simple errors in spelling and word choice can distract from your message.
task achievement
Clarify your main points; use more examples to substantiate your opinions. A clear and structured argument can improve comprehension.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, touching upon the use of the death penalty and alternative rehabilitative measures.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion attempts to synthesize the discussion and offers a personal opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Your inclusion of examples, such as those from Gulf countries and the USA, shows an effort to relate your argument to real-world examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: