IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people suggest the best way to be prepared for the future is to invest our children. To what extent do you agree this idea? What the best ways to invest our resources on children?

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They say that
children
Use synonyms
 are the future. If you teach them well, they will lead their
way
Use synonyms
 to greatness and abundance. I would agree that one
way
Use synonyms
 to invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future is through our
children
Use synonyms
. If you start training them young, they will bring success not only to you but
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 themselves. In our culture, we have a mentality called "giving back". It means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all
children
Use synonyms
 are obligated to pay for the hardships of their
parents
Use synonyms
 and to compensate them with a better life. It is a
way
Use synonyms
 of saying thank you for the sacrifices and effort that they
did
Verb problem
made
show examples
 just to raise their
children
Use synonyms
. Personally, I
also
Linking Words
 think that being grateful to your
parents
Use synonyms
 is not a bad idea especially when you
also
Linking Words
 want them to live a comfortable life. I would like to see my
parents
Use synonyms
 enjoy the fruits of their
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. I think the best
way
Use synonyms
 to invest resources
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is through their studies. University tuition might be expensive
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for low or
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 families but I have seen
parents
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 who are striving really hard just to provide for their kids. Good employers hire people who
graduted
Correct your spelling
graduated
college
Change preposition
from college
show examples
 or university there is a better chance for
children
Use synonyms
 to get rich.
For example
Linking Words
, I noticed that all doctors, lawyers, nurses
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
dentist
Fix the agreement mistake
dentists
show examples
 get a decent salary compared to undergraduates. Introducing them to business can be a good trait so they will know the importance of being the boss. They will be capable of handling their own time and profit. They can
also
Linking Words
 pass the business
in
Change preposition
on to
show examples
 the next generations can
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
be a
way
Use synonyms
 of investing
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their future.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow and connection between ideas. This can help in maintaining a smooth transition from one point to another.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to better support and illustrate your points. This can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph addresses a single main idea. This can aid clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, providing a strong framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the main question and provides a complete response, focusing well on the topic of investing in children for the future.
Task Achievement
The idea of 'giving back' and valuing education as investment are insightful and relevant, showing a deep understanding of cultural values.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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