IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, many people own a computer including
children
Use synonyms
.
Due to
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this
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, it sparked a debate that
this
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 device has
a more harmful effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
a more harmful effect
more harmful effects
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 than positive effects on a youngster. In my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
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 perspective because time spent on electronic devices
limit
Correct subject-verb agreement
limits
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 physical activity among kids and excessive computer usage might lead to addiction. To start with,
this
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 machine limits them being active it encourages a sedentary lifestyle.
This
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 is because when
children
Use synonyms
 spend long periods in front of a screen, whether for gaming, browsing the internet or using social media, they are not moving their bodies.
Moreover
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, inactivity can lead to lesser outdoor play
such
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 as playing sports. Reports have shown that little or no physical activity will lead to obesity in minors and health problems associated with it.
Secondly
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, I believe that too much screen time will lead to computer addiction.
In other words
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, some kids might develop an unhealthy attachment to
this
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 technology which will be hard to control. Video games, social media and the web have entertainment features that lead to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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addiction.
Additionally
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,
this
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 can interfere with important activities like school, exercise and sleep.
For example
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,
children
Use synonyms
 with
such
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 exposure will usually be up later than they should, and
this
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 can have a detrimental effect on their school progress. Even though, I believe that there are more negative effects of computers
to
Change preposition
on
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children
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, electronic devices are good for kids as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can provide educational resources and allow them to learn and research information effectively and efficiently. In conclusion, computers have their benefits,
their
Correct word choice
but their
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 negative impact cannot be ignored. To ensure healthy development, it is crucial to limit the daily use of these devices and encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to engage in various activities that promote
overall
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 well-being.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your logical flow by varying sentence structures and linking ideas more smoothly to improve readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Consider using more specific examples or real-life scenarios that reinforce your arguments, making your essay more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively framed your argument, showing strong structural awareness.
Task Achievement
The essay consistently addressed the prompt and outlined the main arguments concerning the negative effects of computer usage among children, demonstrating good task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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