IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technology has brought many changes in our lives, especially in the educaion system. One of these is the introduction of online studies. Is this a positive or negative dvelopment? Give readons and examples from your personal opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology advancements have made it possible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to get an
education
Use synonyms
 online, without the need to attend physically.
While
Linking Words
 it's true that virtual classes are beneficial to society as they're flexible and cost-effective, they
also
Linking Words
 possess major
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as reduced social ability.
To begin
Linking Words
, one of the advantages of online classes is the flexibility it offers. Students can study at their own pace and personalize it to their current needs. The ability to stop and rewind the study materials ensures proper learning. Another benefit is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
affordability, as they usually cost half the price of offline classes, and they don't have to spend more on transportation. Take
IETLS
Correct article usage
the IETLS
show examples
 preparation class,
for example
Linking Words
, which costs $2.99 dollars at Udemi, a virtual
education
Use synonyms
 web, but $129 at an English academy.
However
Linking Words
, one of the crucial downsides to
this
Linking Words
 development is the deteriorating ability to socialize
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 young adults. Since most of the lessons are usually pre-recorded, students miss out on in-person interaction,
such
Linking Words
 as asking
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
show examples
 a question or engaging in group discussion.
As a result
Linking Words
, they often lack
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emotional intelligence, causing difficulties in
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 situations. As a teacher, I have witnessed
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
 pupils who haven't experienced in-person
education
Use synonyms
 are
generaly
Correct your spelling
generally
 more shy and hesitant to voice their own opinions. In conclusion, online studies may improve the
education
Use synonyms
 system
due to
Linking Words
 the flexibility and affordability, but they may
also
Linking Words
 cause declining social skills in students.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents need to set serious measures in place to navigate its drawbacks,
for example
Linking Words
, treating online studies as a supplement to offline studies rather than
primary
Add an article
a primary
the primary
show examples
 source of
education
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although your essay contains clear ideas, try incorporating more specific examples or studies to further strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in tone and style throughout the essay, as this helps maintain coherence and makes your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Proofread for minor spelling and grammatical errors to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. For example, pay attention to words like 'Udemi' which should be 'Udemy', and 'IETLS' which should be 'IELTS'.
task achievement
You provided a well-rounded response that discusses both the positive and negative aspects of online education, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for your arguments.
task achievement
The use of your personal experience as a teacher adds credibility and personal insight to your argument about the drawbacks of online education.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: