IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age? Give reasons for your answer.

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It is widely
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 activities are
most
Add an article
the most
a most
show examples
 important thing to do for
movitations
Correct your spelling
motivations
motivation
 and others.
While
Linking Words
 it is commonly held belief that people have a lot of rules
mindist
Correct your spelling
minds
mindset
 to control their
Use synonyms
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 other thoughts it is healthful for letting their
children
Use synonyms
 attend
school
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age, There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
school
Use synonyms
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is pacific age for attending it even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 there is
nursery
Add an article
a nursery
the nursery
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 too for activity and playing.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Parents
Use synonyms
 should have a
respons
Correct your spelling
response
 for their
kids
Use synonyms
 and know
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 like and
dislike
Correct pronoun usage
dislike them
show examples
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, They are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 types of
kids
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who appoints
show examples
appoints
Change the verb form
appoint
show examples
 their
personalty
Correct your spelling
personality
show examples
 and characters logically it is known that
kids
Use synonyms
 are
playfull
Correct your spelling
playful
,
loving
Replace the word
love
show examples
 to
active
Add a missing verb
be active
show examples
 and play games
do
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
 hobbies.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have types of
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 starting with kindergarten
able
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
3 to 4 years old and it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 how the child can
do
Verb problem
form
show examples
 a lot of relationships with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their age and a lot of explority. A compelling
exsample
Correct your spelling
example
 is that every level of
school
Use synonyms
 hits differently and knowing your kid more. Another point to consider
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 depending on the
parents
Use synonyms
 how they want to
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their child because it is optionality
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten but it is
mustly
Correct your spelling
mostly
 to let
children
Use synonyms
 starting six or seven years old
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
start
school
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible
say
Add the particle
to say
show examples
 that
parents
Use synonyms
 can teach them at house their
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of types of learning homeschooling and
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, It is the right to let your
children
Use synonyms
 study and have their own learning. For
Instace
Correct your spelling
Instance
children
Use synonyms
 can be a great model for their own
parents
Use synonyms
 and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them proud
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
step learning.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 perspectives may differ, I am convinced that
school
Use synonyms
 are
so
Rephrase
very
show examples
 important for
kids
Use synonyms
 starting 6 and 7 years
while
Linking Words
 it is not
mustly
Correct your spelling
mostly
 to let your child
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten and everyone
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 their own opinion
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to
rase
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly outline your position and the main points you will discuss. Try to make your thesis statement more specific to reflect your views clearly on this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and stays focused on that. Using topic sentences can help clarify this. Additionally, linking phrases could improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
More specific examples and elaboration on the points mentioned would enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments. Aim for a clearer connection between your ideas and real-world implications.
task achievement
You've displayed a good understanding of the topic and presented both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, with distinct paragraphs, which aids readability despite some structural inaccuracies.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • peer interaction
  • academic foundation
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • structured environment
  • discipline
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diversity
  • perspectives
  • acceptance
  • educational resources
  • extracurricular activities
  • learning experience
  • early identification
  • learning disabilities
  • intervention
  • support
  • assistance
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