IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages ?

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Nowadays,most of individuals believe that there are many problems in
life
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 ,
hence
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, they say if you need something,you can take a perl in both their private
lives
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 and careers
lives
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.Definetly taking a risk has it's own merits and drawbacks alike,but in my perspective,the advantages outweight the disadvantages. On the one hand,many people for reaching many things in our
life
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 they need to make an important decision that without
risks
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 it is not possible,they allow humans to push toward the purpose in the future,some oppourtunies in our occupation requirment to perl in our
lives
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,
for instance
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:
last
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 year my friends quite to his job from our office because he have undesirable collegues which sometimes makes us demotivated,
therefore
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 he requritment in another company that the salary low paid compared with the first company but he got exposed to numerous experincese that he had never got from the previous included,conferances with goverment,participated at important meeting and earn a best oppourtunites that he can imporve and enhance his skills.
On the other hand
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,some individuals are scared to loss something,they like to
lives
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 without advantures
life
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,it is correct if human don't aware of take
risks
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 that lead to cause difficult and problems in
lives
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 and it caused unfavorable complicated situation in future,
for example
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:my husband determinated to earn money for Exchange electronic,
thus
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 ,he sold his own mac book and ex smatphone,he doesn't talk with me,
as a result
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 he failed in
this
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 project.His main mistake was that he was very self confident and self vote now he his miss all the money. In conculusion:
although
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 taking
risks
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 in both personal and profesional
life
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 are dangerous to some extend,
while
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,in my opinion people have to
risks
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 which to reached many things in the future,For all the reasons above, the benefits of having an adventurous mind outweigh its drawbacks.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully. Make sure to use topic sentences that clearly state the point of the paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your argument and the structure of your essay. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and effectively. Avoid repetition and vary your language to make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages, which is important for addressing the prompt.
task achievement
You provided personal examples that help illustrate your points and make your argument more relatable, which is a strong aspect of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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