IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think it will lead to a break down in family relationships and communication. What is your opinion?

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n
Correct your spelling
In
 today’s
world
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 every member in each house has their own personal of modern
technology
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. There are different views
whetherwether
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on whether
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 advanced
technology
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 will lead to destroying
a
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apply
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family relationships and society or
it
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apply
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 to gain beneficial results for the public. My opinion
indicate
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indicates
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 that owning developed tools of
technology
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assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
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 individuals to obtain a knowledge of our daily life. On
one
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the one
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 hand, there are
number
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a number
the number
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 of available potentials in a laptop or in a phone devices
give
Correct pronoun usage
that give
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 the family perfect results when they use them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the local and
the
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apply
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global news about the
world
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 is provided by
technology
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service
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services
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, it gives multiple information
of
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about
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world
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 events.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 the weather forecast and the war news.
As a result
Linking Words
, each member in the home will feel comfortable and relaxed because
,
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apply
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 they will get online knowledge of these real actions without any problems.
However
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, we can watch these previous trends on the television screen ,but many programs on our phone allow us to take logical facts through it,
For example
Linking Words
,
watsapp
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WhatsApp
Whatsapp
 and
twitter
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Twitter
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 applications.
In addition
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, the children and adults in a family will have many experiences and a lot of activities related to the educational system at the school.
For example
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, there are various puzzles and games that include information about maths and
physic
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physics
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 can the kids get little strategies to learn. So, learning from these devices encourages the community
an
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and
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 entertainment during study.
On the other hand
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,
also
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, piece of improvement of
technology
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 has disadvantageous consequences.
For example
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, it makes
breakdown
Correct article usage
a breakdown
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 in daily relationships. To illustrate, actually, parents
addictedaddict
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addicted addict
in
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to
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 using social media platforms like
,
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apply
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 Instagram.
Thus
Linking Words
, rather than the father and the mother spending a lot of time with their children at the house, they spend most of their time
in
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apply
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browsing the internet networking.
Moreover
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, the situation may create isolation
to
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for
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 teenagers because do not allocate a specific schedule for enjoying and working. In conclusion, despite the highest technique that has been coming recently, in the
world
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 g
technology
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 somebodies in each family have positive and negative impacts. My perspective is that the government must take
an
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apply
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action to alleviate issues in
technology
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 nowadays.

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task achievement
Make sure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion and the main points you will discuss. This sets a clearer expectation for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your points better. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that you support it with relevant examples. Some examples need further explanation to be more effective.
coherence and cohesion
Check your use of vocabulary and grammar to enhance clarity. Some phrases are unclear or awkwardly constructed, which can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both pros and cons of technology in relation to family dynamics, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your ideas show awareness of the societal implications of technology, reflecting critical thinking.
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