IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Animals
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plays
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play
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 an important role in our
ecosyste
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ecosystem
ecosystems
 and
essential
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are essential
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 for maintaining the balance of nature. Some people argue that it is wrong to keep
animals
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 in
zoos
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whereas
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 others contend
that is
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 beneficial for both
animals
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 and human beings.
This
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 essay will delve into both the views
along with
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 my own perspective. Proponents of
zoos
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 argue that it brings a vast range of benefits to both
animals
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 and humans. First and foremost, it prevents the extinction of endangered species
such
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 as elephants, lions, tigers and some other
animals
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 as well. Take
an
Correct article usage
the
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 example of pigeons in
north
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North
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 America,
due to
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over hunting
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overhunting
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,
this
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 species disappeared completely after ten years.
Moreover
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, another significant benefit of keeping
animals
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 in
zoo
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zoos
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 is education. One can
know
Verb problem
learn
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 a lot about
animal's
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animals'
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 characteristics,
behaviour
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and behaviour
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 patterns by visiting
zoo
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the zoo
a zoo
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. Opponents argue that
zoos
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 are not suitable for
preservation
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the preservation
show examples
 of
animals
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 because they
also
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 have the right to freedom. It restricts their natural behaviour.
For instance
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, elephants
has
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have
show examples
 a habit of walking miles every day but in
captivity
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captivity,
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 it
confined
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is confined
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 because
zoos
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 do not have that much space. That can lead to problems like depression, anxiety and loneliness. In my personal view,
zoos
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helps
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help
show examples
 in preserving the natural species that may disappear after
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear outline of the essay, but consider refining it for clarity. For example, mentioning the two sides explicitly increases clarity. You could state the benefits of zoos and the ethical concerns more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy, especially in subject-verb agreement. An example from your essay: 'elephants has' should be 'elephants have.'
task achievement
You provided good examples, but some could be more specific. For instance, you mentioned 'pigeons in North America', this could be elaborated by referencing a specific zoo or conservation program that was successful in preserving a species.
positive
You did well in discussing both sides of the argument and provided a personal perspective at the end. This shows an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • zoos
  • animal rights
  • conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • sanctuary
  • ethical considerations
  • natural habitat
  • psychological well-being
  • endangered species
  • educational programs
  • animal welfare
  • exploitation
  • human superiority
  • wildlife preservation
  • abnormal behaviors
What to do next:
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