Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view. You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Animals
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plays
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play

The singular verb plays does not appear to agree with the plural subject Animals. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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an important role in our
ecosyste
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ecosystem
ecosystems

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and
essential
Add a missing verb
are essential

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for maintaining the balance of nature. Some people argue that it is wrong to keep
animals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
zoos
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whereas
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others contend
that is
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beneficial for both
animals
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and human beings.
This
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essay will delve into both the views
along with
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my own perspective. Proponents of
zoos
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

argue that it brings a vast range of benefits to both
animals
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and humans. First and foremost, it prevents the extinction of endangered species
such
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as elephants, lions, tigers and some other
animals
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as well. Take
an
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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example of pigeons in
north
Capitalize word
North

The word north should be capitalized in this context.

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America,
due to
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over hunting
Correct your spelling
overhunting

The word over hunting seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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,
this
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species disappeared completely after ten years.
Moreover
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, another significant benefit of keeping
animals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos

It seems that zoo may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is education. One can
know
Verb problem
learn

There may be a verb use issue here.

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a lot about
animal's
Fix the agreement mistake
animals'

It seems that animal's may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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characteristics,
behaviour
Correct word choice
and behaviour

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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patterns by visiting
zoo
Add an article
the zoo
a zoo

The noun phrase zoo seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. Opponents argue that
zoos
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are not suitable for
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
animals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

because they
also
Linking Words

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have the right to freedom. It restricts their natural behaviour.
For instance
Linking Words

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, elephants
has
Change the verb form
have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject elephants. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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a habit of walking miles every day but in
captivity
Add a comma
captivity,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in captivity. Consider adding a comma.

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it
confined
Add a missing verb
is confined

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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because
zoos
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

do not have that much space. That can lead to problems like depression, anxiety and loneliness. In my personal view,
zoos
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

helps
Change the verb form
help

The singular verb helps does not appear to agree with the plural subject zoos. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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in preserving the natural species that may disappear after
few
Correct article usage
a few

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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years.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear outline of the essay, but consider refining it for clarity. For example, mentioning the two sides explicitly increases clarity. You could state the benefits of zoos and the ethical concerns more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy, especially in subject-verb agreement. An example from your essay: 'elephants has' should be 'elephants have.'
task achievement
You provided good examples, but some could be more specific. For instance, you mentioned 'pigeons in North America', this could be elaborated by referencing a specific zoo or conservation program that was successful in preserving a species.
positive
You did well in discussing both sides of the argument and provided a personal perspective at the end. This shows an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • zoos
  • animal rights
  • conservation
  • rehabilitation
  • sanctuary
  • ethical considerations
  • natural habitat
  • psychological well-being
  • endangered species
  • educational programs
  • animal welfare
  • exploitation
  • human superiority
  • wildlife preservation
  • abnormal behaviors
What to do next:
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