IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a car is the best way to travel in cities while others believe a bicycle is a better way. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. (14th Mar) (GT)

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While
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 many people argue that
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
the car
show examples
 is the most beneficial way to travel in crowded
places
Use synonyms
 like cities, others believe that
Use synonyms
bicycle's
Correct article usage
the bicycle's
show examples
 advantages
outweigths
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
Use synonyms
car's
Correct article usage
the car's
show examples
 advantages. In my opinion, it depends on several factors
such
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 as the weather.
However
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,
bicycle
Use synonyms
 gives the opportunity to explore the place in a detailed style.
This
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 essay will explore both notions and give my perspective.  On the one hand,
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 has a vast of benefits when it comes to
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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. It enables
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
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 visit long distances and provides private space.
Moreover
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, tourists can visit
places
Use synonyms
 more freely since not every province's roads are suitable for bikes.
For instance
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, in some cities like Istanbul, there are many
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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places
Use synonyms
 to visit.
Firstly
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, the city includes many
high-ways
Correct your spelling
highways
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, which
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not even allow bicycles.
Secondly
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, most
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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 attractions are far away from each other.
Thus
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, it is almost impossible to travel without vehicles.
On the other hand
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, bicycles allow a person to stop whenever they want, without any traffic.
This
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 not only saves time, but
also
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 provides a more profound and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficent
Correct your spelling
efficient
 trip.
Moreover
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, it is more
budget friendly
Add a hyphen
budget-friendly
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 rather than renting a
car
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 or calling a taxi. Amsterdam is a primary example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
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. Its streets
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been built around canals and it is excellent for riding bikes. High numbers of its population only use
Use synonyms
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
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 and travellers
also
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 find
this
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a fun activity.
In addition
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, since they can give a break anytime and anyplace they see it as more beneficial. In conclusion, even though cars
have
Verb problem
are
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 advantageous, Riding
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
while
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 visiting
a new
Correct the article-noun agreement
new places
a new place
show examples
places
Use synonyms
 provides lots of opportunities.

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task achievement
The introduction could be more clearly stated and might benefit from a more direct expression of your opinion. Try rephrasing for clarity and impact.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph includes distinct main points and elaborates on them thoroughly, which can help in making your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to enhance readability, such as correcting 'bicycle's advantages outweigths car's advantages' to 'the advantages of bicycles outweigh those of cars.' Grammatical accuracy is essential.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as Istanbul and Amsterdam, effectively supports your points and adds depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while still presenting your opinion, which reinforces your stance in the debate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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