IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With an increasing overweight population some think universities should make sport a compulsory module on all degree courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays one considerable issue is raising overweight
people
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 some high educational organisations require students to take a physical training course. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I can explain both options to agree and disagree, and I will illustrate my personal opinion. The begin with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think universities should make
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports classes
show examples
class
Use synonyms
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obligatory module
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 despite
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
major
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
reason
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 some young adults have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight gain. On the one hand, it is the correct attitude
for worrying
Change preposition
to worry
show examples
health
Change preposition
about health
show examples
 for the young generation. Because students have to do
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
physical movement during study
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
time in
class
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Harward
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 takes into consideration enrollment requirements,
achievements
Correct word choice
and achievements
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport's
Change noun form
sports
show examples
 success.
Therefore
Linking Words
 some IVY league universities should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 physical culture
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mandatory. In that clear example,
upper level
Add a hyphen
upper-level
show examples
 schools can consider student's health and weight balance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some parents who are reluctant to attend
college
Use synonyms
 and universities should make
sport
Use synonyms
 a compulsory module
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all degree courses.
Reason
Correct article usage
The reason
show examples
 of that many individuals prefer academic courses over physical training courses. They think students haven't
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
enough time to training
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 during
college
Use synonyms
four
Change preposition
for four
show examples
 years.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 law school shouldn't require mandatory health and
sport
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
, they need to practice a lot of reading materials. These
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the overweight problem is a personal issue, so if fat
people
Use synonyms
 shouldn't consider themself, it is their problem, but not
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 police. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 agree that one of
mandatory
Add an article
the mandatory
a mandatory
show examples
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 is
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a sport's
show examples
sport's
Change noun form
sports
show examples
 course,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
worrying
Wrong verb form
worry
show examples
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 future young adults. Others disagree with forcing physical training classes in a
college
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I strongly
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 first part, because everybody
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 adolescence from
college
Use synonyms
 age.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Try to state your thesis more definitively. Consider revising the sentence to make your overall position clearer from the outset.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences can be structured better for clarity. Try to improve the flow of your paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
task achievement
In your main points, provide specific examples that support your arguments more effectively. Rather than referencing a specific university once, consider discussing broader implications or additional examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is commendable and aligned with the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively, indicating your personal opinion clearly.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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