IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some argue that governments should invest more in tourism. Others claim that the investment has a negative impact on local people and should be avoided where possible. Discuss both views while giving your opinion.

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Travelling and
tourism
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 have become popular across the globe, especially with
generation
Capitalize word
Generation
show examples
 Z. Many
people
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 advocate that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to invest resources into
tourism
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,
while
Linking Words
 some believe investing in
tourism
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 has a bad influence on the indigenous population and if possible, it should be avoided.
One
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 cannot dispute the fact that well-invested tourist destinations will generate better revenue for the
country
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, but it is
also
Linking Words
 important to consider the negative impact of that, which
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss
further
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 below. On
one
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 hand, the government investing more in developing
tourism
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 has numerous benefits, and
this
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 includes a better economy for the
country
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, from revenue generated.
For example
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, Disney
land
Capitalize word
Land
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 in Paris
,
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apply
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 is
one
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 of kids' favourite locations, and recently even adults have been drawn to the location,
due to
Linking Words
 the attractive view,
picture perfect
Add a hyphen
picture-perfect
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, and many activities that
people
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 usually only see in movies.
This
Linking Words
 makes Paris
one
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 of the famous tourist-friendly destinations and
due to
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 that, many
people
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 are witnessed not only in summer
,
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apply
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 but even in the winter. Which means more money to Paris.
On the other hand
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, building and putting more money into
tourism
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 can be disadvantageous to the local
people
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. Because,
this
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 will mean more foreigners coming into the
country
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, which in turn could make the city hostile to indigenes. In conclusion,
tourism
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 can be beneficial to the
country
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, especially in terms of economic boost and popularity. But
then
Linking Words
 again, the citizens' concerns should be considered.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to strike a balance between investing in tourist attractions and the influence it might have on the locals.

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task response
Your introduction outlines the topic well, but consider making your opinion more explicit. This will enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences feel slightly unclear and could be simplified. For example, restructuring your ideas in each paragraph may improve flow.
task response
While your example of Disneyland is relevant, providing more specific examples of both positive and negative impacts from tourism would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents both sides of the argument effectively and transitions smoothly into discussing each perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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