IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today many nations
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been increased the
retriement
Correct your spelling
retirement
age
Use synonyms
 from
oocupation
Correct your spelling
occupation
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the disadvantages of raising the
retirement
Use synonyms
 will outweigh the benefits, I will mention in
this
Linking Words
 essay the drawbacks and advantages of
this
Linking Words
 regulation and why
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point of
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
. On the one hand, the
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantage
 of increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
 to
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
older
age
Use synonyms
 in some
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 because
recquired
Correct your spelling
required
 to garner the maximum benefits from all employees. In other terms, when
authorities
Change noun form
authorities'
authority's
show examples
 regulations and working depend on
expertise
Correct article usage
the expertise
show examples
employer
Change preposition
of employer
show examples
 to enhance outputs and
training
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
 new
empolyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 of the organization that leads to
increasing
Replace the word
an increase
show examples
 in years of working of
this
Linking Words
 person.
For example
Linking Words
, there was a survey published in Makkah Newspaper on the effect of
rasing
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 on the performance of the companies the results showed 15% was
enhancement
Add an article
an enhancement
show examples
 in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 of increasing the working years are decrease in the productivity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older people.
In other words
Linking Words
,
whan
Correct your spelling
when
 the persons
become
Verb problem
are
show examples
 aged
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 may altered and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans may suffer from some common chronic
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. Notably, that will affect and impact negatively
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the productivity of the person.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah on the
corelation
Correct your spelling
correlation
 between the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the decline
show examples
decline
Change the form of the verb
declining
show examples
productivity
Change preposition
in productivity
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees the results have shown
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a huge association between them. In conclusion,
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 many countries increasing
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 years in the job for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 duration until
retierment
Correct your spelling
retirement
. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 the heath status of older people may affect
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 way of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and lead to serious company outcomes for that reason the
dwonsides
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
outwigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the benefits.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to use appropriate verb forms (e.g., 'nations have increased' instead of 'nations has been increased').
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas, such as 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' etc.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are clearly explained to demonstrate their relevance to your argument.
Task Achievement
You have clearly expressed your opinion at the beginning of the essay, which sets a good direction for your argument.
Task Achievement
You provided examples to support your points, which is a strength in your writing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • pension systems
  • financial pressure
  • economic growth
  • workforce
  • retirement savings
  • skills and knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • health challenges
  • work-life balance
  • societal resistance
  • burnout
  • productivity
  • well-being
What to do next:
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