IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

most offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. why is this happening . what mewsure can be taken to tackle this problem.

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many convicts commit the worst crimes after they feel the punishments. I believe it is because they are not scared anymore about the result of their work. But one way to avoid
this
Linking Words
 issue is to predict their future crimes and force them to never take back their bad habits. Normally, scare keeps humans away from doing bad things because they know there are consequences .
Therefore
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, after experiencing the feeling of chastisement they won't respond to their behaviour
also
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,
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivating
show examples
feeling
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
attracted
Wrong verb form
attract
show examples
 them to do more and they will get more pleasure from their work. Like ,robbers who rob more after they passed some time in prison. why is
like
Correct pronoun usage
it like
show examples
 that ?
maybe
Capitalize word
Maybe
show examples
 they act for their needs or maybe they just do it for fun .
In addition
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 , there are some voidness objects which officials can offer to prisoners
for instance
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,
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tools like GPS are able to show where the person is and
also
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, the offender knows there is no way to cheat and commit a crime.
however
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, taking care of criminals needs full attention so it has more cast for the government but
on the other hand
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, citizens are safe . in conclusion, yes criminals commit more crimes after they are free from prison,
this
Linking Words
 is the result of not
scared
Add a missing verb
being scared
show examples
 they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not scared after being faced with the consequences of their work . but there is always a way to keep them away from their attraction to bad habits.
for example
Linking Words
 , keep
eye
Correct article usage
an eye
show examples
 on them for a
while
Linking Words
 when they are free in society.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly articulate your main ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed explanations and examples to support your ideas more thoroughly.
language use
Make sure to use correct grammar and spelling, as there are several errors that can distract from your arguments.
task response
You have identified a clear issue regarding recidivism and offered a potential solution.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main point, reinforcing the idea presented in the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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