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Band 5.5

Student should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass the exam, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a belief that academic knowledge should be prioritised in school in order for
students
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 to acquire good grades, and other activities like cooking or
fashion
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 should be eliminated from the curriculum. I Fully disagree with
this
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 opinion and believe that basic
skills
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such
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 as cooking and dressing are required in real-life challenges. Below
i
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I
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 will
further
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 elaborate my opinion. First of all, Teaching
skills
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,
such
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 as cooking in schools have numerous benefits, both in the child's life and
also
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 in society.
For instance
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, if the
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students'
Correct your spelling
students
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 are to relocate to a new environment where there is no one to cook for them, they will be forced to depend solely on commercial food or fast food, which is often costly and unhealthy, as most fast food is high in fats, and in
turn
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turn,
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 could cause obesity.
Therefore
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, in order to maintain a healthy and friendly environment, these activities should be taught in schools because it gives them the opportunity to learn how to be independent when it comes to what to eat, in the future. An additional reason for my stance is, that dressing and
fashion
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 have gained popularity worldwide in recent years. So, educating
students
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 about these crafts is essential. Learning about dressing in school would motivate the
students
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 and bring to their attention the importance of
fashion
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, and
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this
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apply
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in the long run.
For Example
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, models like Naomi Cambell once spoke about how she started as a kid in school through these activities and today she is one of
world-famous
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the world-famous
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 models
,
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apply
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 and was known first through
fashion
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.
Consequently
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, Not only do
skills
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 like dressing assist them to look good, but they could
also
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 generate income if taught and maintained well. In conclusion, academic knowledge should be the main aim of schools, in order to make sure
students
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 pass their exams successfully.
On the other hand
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, the importance of basic
skills
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such
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 as cooking and dressing should not neglected.

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task achievement
Enhance your introduction to clearly outline your points. You can also include a brief statement on the importance of both academic and life skills in education.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to avoid grammatical errors and typos such as 'i' instead of 'I' and 'students'' instead of 'students'.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, rephrase your arguments to reinforce your stance more clearly.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate your points, particularly regarding the cooking and fashion industries.
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