In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

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Nowadays, people are much more concerned about their age and want to look younger. I believe

this

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is a negative development as it undermines the natural look and

also

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drains a person financially.

This

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essay will support the aforementioned points and elaborate on them in the following paragraphs. People are influenced by actors and actresses who undergo plastic surgery treatments to look attractive, but they don't see that those models are paid for their looks. Models spend

money

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on their

appearance

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because of their profession,

whereas

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individuals who undergo these surgeries to transform their looks to resemble famous celebrities are wasting their

money

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and sometimes damaging their physical

appearance

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For instance

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, a woman became famous for wanting to look like Angelina Jolie and underwent plastic surgery, which permanently damaged her looks.

This

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example illustrates why

money

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spent on altering

appearance

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is a negative development.

Additionally

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this

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not only drains one financially but

also

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brings health problems. There are several side effects to these treatments, and people who undergo these procedures often suffer from various skin allergies that could lead to cancer.

For example

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, hair transplants involve using a needle to add hair to the forehead, and sometimes the force of the needle is so great that it causes a person to suffer from

brain

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a brain

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hemorrhage

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haemorrhage

show examples

Therefore

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, it does not seem worth it to put one's life at risk to look physically attractive.

To conclude

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, one should be satisfied with how they appear and should not spend

money

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to enhance their

appearance

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Instead

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, they should spend it on other activities that bring mental peace and joy.

mannadarshpal13Fri Jun 21 2024

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task achievement

Ensure a more balanced discussion by acknowledging and briefly discussing counterarguments.

coherence cohesion

Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Proofread the essay to avoid small errors and improve sentence variety for better readability.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction clearly states the writer's position and outlines what the essay will discuss.

task achievement

Clear and relevant examples are provided to support the main points.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's position.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Youthful appearance
Societal norms
Media influence
Self-esteem
Confidence
Professional competition
Health and wellness
Cosmetic enhancements
Medical technology
Anti-aging products
Invest in appearance
Beauty standards

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In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Some people believe that online learning is more effective than traditional classroom-based learning, while others argue that face-to-face education is still essential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?

It is a natural process which animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?