IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that social networking sites have huge negative effect on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world with advanced technology development, the Internet has been an inseparable part
in
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of
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 our society, and one of its features is social networking sites.
While
Linking Words
 they are widely used particularly as a platform for gaining information and communicating
people
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with people
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, I believe excessive and improper these affect negatively to
people’s
Use synonyms
 health and society. We cannot ignore that social websites are effective
for
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in
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 easing individuals’ daily
life
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lives
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 by providing unlimited access to any information and knowledge,
as well as
Linking Words
 exchanging thoughts and opinions, regardless of distance and time.
However
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, mismanaging these platforms may lead to sedentary
behavior
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behaviour
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 which
harm
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harms
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 one’s
wellbeing
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well-being
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.
For instance
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, a boy who
excessively
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is excessively
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 engrossed in Twitter throughout the day
tend
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tends
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 to stay indoors, which results in
lack
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a lack
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 of healthy exercise and outdoor activities. These unhealthy lifestyles can damage
people’s
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 long-term health, and
worser
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worse
, result
into
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in
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 many chronic diseases
such
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 as obesity. Other drawbacks of social networking sites are they can deteriorate individuals’ relationships and connections, which
lead
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leads
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 to social isolation.
This
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 is because people can utilize them to communicate
each
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with each
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 other digitally, which reduces face-to-face interactions in real life.
While
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 they are indeed effective for urgent communication, individuals may have fewer friends in real life and could not establish meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Lack of meaningful connections can negatively affect
people’s
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 mental health,
lead
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leading
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into
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to
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 severe depression and anxiety.
Consequently
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, overly depending
in
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on
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 social networks surely reduces the quality of real-life relationships, which can lead to serious societal issues. In conclusion,
while
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 social platforms may provide numerous benefits in terms of accessibility and convenience,
however
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 improper and
misusage
Correct your spelling
misused
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 these features could extremely harm
people’s
Use synonyms
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 and social dynamics.

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task achievement
Clarify your position more explicitly in the introduction and restate it clearly in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are fully explained and directly related to your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure by revising grammar and word order issues to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have clearly identified both the positive and negative aspects of social networking sites, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are structured well and each presents a distinct idea which is easy to follow.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples adds credibility to your arguments and helps illustrate the points made.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social networking
  • isolation
  • depression
  • virtual interactions
  • misinformation
  • polarization
  • cyberbullying
  • mental health
  • wellbeing
  • unrealistic standards
  • self-esteem
  • body image
  • productivity
  • distraction
  • public opinion
  • conflict
  • societal harm
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