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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the changing pattern in
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 of three bakeries in Calgary over the period of
10-years
Correct your spelling
10 years
 starting in 2000. Looking at the graph, it is obvious that the
income
Use synonyms
 of Amandine Bakery and Bolo Cakery experienced an upward trend
while
Linking Words
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
 witnessed a downward trend. At the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
's total revenue of the year registered the highest money at 80000$ but
at the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 was belonging Amandine Bakery. At the beginning of the period, the yearly
income
Use synonyms
 of Amandine Bakery stood at around 58000 USD.
This
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2005 before increased dramatically and was
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
figure
Use synonyms
 out of all 3 groups examined with
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest point in 2010 at 102000
usd
Correct your spelling
USD
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 similar pattern was seen at the number of Boko Cakery which started at $20000 in 2005
then
Linking Words
 climbed gradually and reached a peak
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 at approximately $602000
In contrast
Linking Words
, it was a
down trend
Correct your spelling
downtrend
show examples
 was seen in the yearly earning of
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
which
show examples
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at nearly $80000 in 2005
then
Linking Words
flactuate
Correct your spelling
fluctuate
fluctuates
fluctuated
 wildly but still was
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest
figure
Use synonyms
 until 2005. After that, the
Mari
Use synonyms
Bakeshop
Use synonyms
's
income
Use synonyms
 dropped
shaply
Correct your spelling
sharply
 between 2005 and 2010 and
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
show examples
a
Change the word
its
show examples
 lowest
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2009 and 2010 which was $40000

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, mari, bakeshop, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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