IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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 to
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has happened
because
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because of
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 a lack of job openings in rural areas and the propaganda of
cities
Use synonyms
 lifestyle.
However
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, from my perspective, it is definitely a negative trend with a myriad of flaws.
To begin
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 with, a lot of villages around the world
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become empty and have turned into ghost villages. There are several reasons for that but the main one is a lack of jobs and respectively decent salaries. For
examples
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example
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, in Ukrainian
villages
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villages,
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 it often can be seen that a class in schools consist of four or five students. It is obvious that
this
Linking Words
 number is not enough
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
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 the work of
this
Linking Words
 institution.
As a result
Linking Words
, the schools have been shut down and teachers have lost their jobs.
Finally
Linking Words
, these people stand at a
crossroad
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crossroads
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, deciding whether to stay in the countryside or move to the city to pursue their profession
elsewhere
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the vast majority of
cities
Use synonyms
 are overcrowded. Looking back, it can be observed that
a
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apply
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life in
cities
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 was
pleasure
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a pleasure
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, full of opportunities and
entertainments
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entertainment
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.
However
Linking Words
, right now the prices are increasing dramatically failing to align with incomes,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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 the quality of life is constantly decreasing.
For instance
Linking Words
, the average person in London cannot even rent a
single bedroom
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single-bedroom
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 apartment and can just afford a share house. All these factors point out the flaws of life in the
cities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is definitely a negative development which pushes people to leave their homes and friends in order to have an opportunity to live.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction, which you've done well, but try to make it more definitive by connecting it closely with the statement of the problem. For example, you could explicitly state that the movement is primarily negative due to the specific consequences outlined in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs generally follow a logical structure; however, ensure that you include topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea being discussed. This will help your reader follow along more easily.
task achievement
While you provided examples that are relevant, they could be expanded further or additional specific examples could be added to strengthen your arguments. For example, consider discussing the emotional impact of people leaving rural areas on their communities.
coherence and cohesion
To improve natural flow, consider using more varied linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, instead of 'on the other hand', you could use 'in contrast' or 'alternatively' to add variety.
task achievement
You effectively articulated your perspective on the issue, clearly stating that you view the migration from rural to urban areas as a negative development, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about Ukrainian villages, which illustrates your point regarding declining rural populations. This adds credibility to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your stance on the issue and leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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