IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
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 has happened because of a lack of job openings in rural areas and the promotion of city lifestyle through media.
However
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, from my perspective, it is definitely a negative trend with a myriad of flaws.
To begin
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 with, a lot of villages around the world have become empty and have turned into ghost villages. There are several reasons for that, but the main one is a lack of jobs and decent salaries, respectively.
For example
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, in Ukrainian villages, it often can be seen that a class in schools consist of four or five students. It is obvious that
this
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 number is not enough to maintain the work of
this
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 institution.
As a result
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, the schools have been shut down and teachers have lost their jobs.
Finally
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, these people stand at a crossroads, deciding whether to stay in the countryside or move to the city to pursue their profession
elsewhere
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.
On the other hand
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, the vast majority of
cities
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 are overcrowded. Looking back, it can be observed that life in
cities
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 was pleasant and full of opportunities and entertainment.
However
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, right now the prices are increasing dramatically failing to align with incomes, meanwhile, the quality of life is constantly decreasing.
For instance
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, the average person in London cannot even rent a single-bedroom apartment and can just afford a shared house. All these factors point out the flaws of life in the
cities
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. In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is definitely a negative development which pushes people to leave their homes and friends in order to have an opportunity to live.

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your main arguments or points of view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear topic sentence to improve the flow of ideas and transitions between points.
Task Achievement
Include more examples or details to support your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the issue and maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout.
Task Achievement
The examples used, particularly regarding job loss in rural schools and the housing issues in London, illustrate your points well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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