IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q1. Nowadays,many people have to work longer hours and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their life easier.

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There is no denying the fact that these days people are working a
lot
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 and because of that they feel more stressed than
the
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in the
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 past days. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will talk about the
resons
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reasons
of
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for
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this
Linking Words
 case
and
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apply
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my opinion and a solution
of
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to
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 it as well.
Firstly
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, the causes of
this
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 problem. Nowadays
every thing
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everything
show examples
 around us is
devolopming
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developing
 and that means we need a
lot
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 of employees and they must
work
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 a
lot
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 of
hours
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. And working for a
lot
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 of
hours
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have
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has
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 a major effect on workers.
Firstly
Linking Words
, working for a
lot
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 of
time
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caus
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causes
 a
presure
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pressure
, the reason
of
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for
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this
Linking Words
preasure
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pressure
pleasure
 is not having
time
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 to relax, so working for a
lot
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 of
hours
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 without relaxation
exircises
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exercises
exercise
 will
cause
Verb problem
have
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 a negative effect. In 1980
in
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at
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 Sudan
Add a comma
college,
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college
Capitalize word
College
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 doctor did
a recearchhe
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research
in
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on
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this
Linking Words
 topic. The outcome of it was so clear that working for a
lot
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 of
time
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 will cause
illnesse
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illness
illnesses
 and
preasure
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pressure
pleasure
. So to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a
lot
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 of steps. Number one, the companies should make the
work
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hours
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lesire
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desire
desired
 so employers could have
a
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apply
show examples
time
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 to clear and refresh their minds to go back to
work
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 with clear minds and good energy. Number two, the employers should apply to
a yoga classes
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a yoga class
yoga classes
show examples
 or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a gap
time
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 from
work
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 every week to refresh so they will not feel stressed. In conclusion. My opinion is, the
companeese
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companies
 must give the
employers
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employees
show examples
 a short
hours
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work
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 so the workers will
work
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 more
effectivly
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effectively
.

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language
Work on improving spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'no denying the fact' can be simplified to 'it is clear that'.
task response
Make sure to clearly articulate the reasons for longer working hours and their effects on stress. Consider explaining how modern technology contributes to this issue.
task response
Ensure your ideas are well-supported with relevant examples. Citing specific research or statistics can strengthen your argument. The mention of the 1980 research feels vague and lacks detail.
coherence cohesion
Improve the overall flow by using more linking words (such as 'however', 'furthermore', etc.) to connect your sentences and paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the question by discussing reasons for increased stress and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • increased competition
  • technological advancements
  • blurring the lines
  • economic pressures
  • organizational culture
  • job insecurity
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • mental health support
  • counseling services
  • stress management
  • recognize and reward
  • boost morale
  • workplace conditions
  • ergonomic
  • physical and mental strain
  • encourage delegation
  • distribute workload
  • prevent burnout
  • supportive work environment
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