IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Junk
food
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 consumption has a bad impact on
population
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the population
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as well as
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 the community in which they live .Many public say that the government must put a strict law like a tax in order to avoid eating unhealthy
food
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whereas
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 others think that
this
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 kind of law is uncrucial and does not make sense .From my point of view ,putting a tax to prevent individuals from eating unhealthy foods is not a solution to
this
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 case . Bodies who think that having rules that make humans pay because they eat junk
food
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 will stop unhealthy
food
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 consumption
the
Add a missing verb
are the
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 reason why
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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believe that putting a 'fat tax' may change other
people
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's lifestyles and society
.
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?
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First ,money the majority of individuals will follow the rules no matter how hard it is to follow they just want to prevent paying money for taxes especially
people
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 who do not have a good income .
Moreover
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 , they think that eating unhealthy
food
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 will cause a lot of health problems and
this
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 will lead to making society deal with diseases .
however
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 , it is not always about the
food
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 itself it is about the quantity of the
food
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 if you eat a big amount of unhealthy
food
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this
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 will lead to bad diseases
as well as
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 suffering from obesity .
While
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 I believe that having a law to stop junk
food
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 consumption is not the best solution for
this
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 issue
this
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 is because the only way to make
people
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 eat less unhealthy
food
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 is by raising awareness everywhere specifically to children and parents .
For example
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 , if
people
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 start to be aware of the negative effects of unhealthy
food
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 they will immediately minimize the clutter
food
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 eating in their daily life .
Furthermore
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 . We should educate
people
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 about the diseases that maybe they will face if they are still in a bad diet . In conclusion , I think that eating unhealthy
food
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 is not a good thing but you need to understand that everything has a limit so eat whatever you want but be careful with the quantity .

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coherence and cohesion
More clearly structure your arguments into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and include a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are more specific and detailed. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer evidence for your points.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical structures and vocabulary. A few inaccuracies detract from the overall clarity of your message.
task achievement
You demonstrate a clear personal opinion on the issue, which is important for task completion.
task achievement
You touch on relevant points regarding the impacts of unhealthy eating, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
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