IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write atleast 250 words

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It has become increasingly common for some
people
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 to make
payments
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 by
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cards
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card
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instead
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 of
cash
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,
while
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 others still insist
using
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on using
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cash
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.
This
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 trend may be driven by various factors and there are valid arguments for both sides. From my perspective, electronic
payments
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 will be a more popular and beneficial method of purchasing in the future. One of the major reasons
for
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apply
show examples
people
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 continue using
cash
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 is the risk of bankruptcies.
Due to
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 the fact that consumers' personal information, can be hacked when they are paying through credit
cards
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 or
phones
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, eventually causing financial loss.
Therefore
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,
cash
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 is a more secure way of purchasing that may reduce the potential risks of being
bankrupted
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bankrupt
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.
Moreover
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, electronic
payments
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 can be difficult to operate, especially for the elderly. Since old
people
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 may be unfamiliar with the functions of
phones
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 and
cards
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,
so
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apply
show examples
it may be more convenient for them to purchase through paper money.
Nevertheless
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, paying electronically
also
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 brings merits to the public. Some
people
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 may lay emphasis on the convenience of carrying. If consumers need to buy expensive items
such
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 as a house or a car, it can be difficult to carry a large amount of paper currency for the transaction. In
this
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 case, paying by
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cards
Fix the agreement mistake
card
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 or
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phones
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phone
show examples
 can reduce the burdens of transition.
Furthermore
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,
cards
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 may release the pressure of calculation when making changes. Because the amount of
payments
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are
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is
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 not always
integers
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integer
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, which may complicate the process of changes.
However
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, electronic
paying
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payment
show examples
 methods can ease the process by only wiping the
cards
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 or scanning the codes. In conclusion,
although
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cash
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 can reduce the risk of
bankruptcies
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bankruptcy
show examples
 and is more suitable for
people
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 who are unfamiliar with
phones
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 and
cards
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, paying electronically can be more advantageous for the majority, which enjoys higher portability and easier process of transactions.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more clearly to create a seamless flow in your essay. Use appropriate transition words between points to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide more specific examples or explanations to support your claims. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the topic, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of using electronic payments versus cash, which reflects critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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