IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many countries thought that children have to do homework in their free time while other say children should do more outdoor activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
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 believe that doing homework is very important for
children
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's
future
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 careers.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, some
people
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 prefer outdoor
activities
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 in their
leisure
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time
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. In my opinion, both of them are important for
children
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's
future
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 careers, health,
andlifestyle
Correct your spelling
and lifestyle
 and they are completing each other. on the one hand, I consider that doing homework is necessary for
children
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's
future
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 and no one can say it is unnecessary. Every child plans and sets goals for the
future
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 from the
time
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 of birth and they work hard
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 achieve their goals. If they work hard, they can get work easily, can build professional careers, and can get a good and comfortable life. During
this
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 period, their families keep away them from outdoor
activities
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 and
this
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 move has negative effects on
children
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's lives.
For example
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, they can’t
get
Verb problem
make
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 new friends, can’t socialize, stay away from sports, it is an unhealthy life
,
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apply
show examples
 and more. No matter how a person works hard, if he does not take care of his body,
this
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 lifestyle is not good at all.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that outdoor
activities
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 are good
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
leisure
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time
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. I both agree and disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.Of course, outdoor
activities
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 are very important for
children
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’s lives and lifestyles.
Children
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 need to
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
 friends, meet and play
new
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with new
show examples
people
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, spend their
leisure
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time
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 with hobbies, and more.
However
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, they can’t do it all their lives. They must spend their
leisure
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time
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 with homework, and learning new languages. It will help them in their
future
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 career, find jobs, and comfortable lifestyles. In conclusion, Homeworks and outdoor
activities
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 are important for
children
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’s
future
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 and both of them are completing each other.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance on the topic more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. Consider stating a more definitive position on whether you lean towards homework or outdoor activities, even if you believe both are important.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clearer structure in your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point you will discuss in that paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the transition words between sentences and paragraphs to make the flow smoother. Using phrases like 'for example' or 'in addition' can help guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors (e.g., 'andlifestyle' should be 'and lifestyle'). This will help improve the overall clarity of your writing.
Task Achievement
You demonstrate a balanced view on the importance of both homework and outdoor activities, which shows critical thinking.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical progression of ideas, which helps the reader understand your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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