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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
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The bar charts compare changes in percentages of Australian-born citizens and non-Australian born living in rural, urban, and
towns
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the start of the study, it is evident that most of the citizens of Australia were born outside of the country and resided in the cities
whereas
Linking Words
,
towns
Use synonyms
 were less occupied by people. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that rural and town areas in Australia exhibited a decrease in the number of occupants
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the metropolis experienced an increase in the population. Cities were primarily occupied by 50% of Australian-born people and 60% were non-Australian born in 1995.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cities had become more inhabited in 2010 by both Australian and
non-australian
Change the capitalization
non-Australian
show examples
 born with approximately 65% and 80%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the countryside population had considerably declined from 40% (
non-aussie
Change the capitalization
non-Aussie
show examples
) to approximately 5% in 2010. Looking more at the graph, the percentages of populations in
towns
Use synonyms
 showed a modest decrease from 20% in 1995 (Australian-born) to 15% in 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2010 the population of people born outside Australia and lived in
towns
Use synonyms
 fell to 8%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words towns with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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