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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chat below shows the number of people employed in five different types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008

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The table provides data on trends of
employment
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 in five different spheres:
sales
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, accounting, computing, nursing and farming in 2001 and 2008.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the highest level of
employment
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 could be seen in the
sector
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 of
sales
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 during given time periods,
while
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 the farming
sector
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 had a relatively lower
employment
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 rate.
Additionally
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, practically all fields peaked in 2008.
 In 2001, the highest proportion of
employment
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 was in the
sales
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sector
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 as mentioned earlier. It accounted for just under 160,000 employed individuals,
while
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 the accounting
sector
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 had slightly above 60,000 employees. Computing and nursing
also
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 had around 60,000 employees. Farming was approximately 30,000 in 2001. By 2008, practically all spheres experienced a significant increase in the number of employed people in Australia, with the number of employees in the
sales
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sector
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 slightly higher than 160,000, and in accounting, over 60,000. At the same time, the computing and nursing sectors increased by the time, reaching about 80,000 and 60,000, respectively, in 2008. Meanwhile, the farming section remained relatively lower and decreased to just under 20,000.

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task achievement
Expand on the analysis of changes between the two years, providing more details and comparisons between sectors.
coherence
Ensure a smoother flow between ideas and sections; consider using more linking words for better transitions.
task achievement
The overall summary captures the main trends effectively, establishing a clear context for the data presented.
task achievement
The use of specific data points enhances the credibility of the analysis and supports the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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