IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Every parent
desired
Wrong verb form
desires
show examples
 the best for their children in
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
. It is often argued whether it is better to educate children
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
variety of subjects or
acquiring
Wrong verb form
acquire
show examples
 skills can be the decision to be made.
Although
Linking Words
 learning numerous subjects provides an opportunity to acquire
well-rounded
Correct article usage
a well-rounded
show examples
 education, I believe that obtaining practical abilities should be considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 priority as they prepare students for real-
life
Use synonyms
 situations. From one perspective, learning a range of fields of study
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 versatile awareness of the world. Not only do students broaden their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
, but they
also
Linking Words
facilitates
Change the verb form
facilitate
show examples
 finding their profession of
life
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, teenagers get trained to
onserve
Correct your spelling
solve
 the problems from different perspectives.
For example
Linking Words
, provided statistics by the Ministry of Education of Kazakhstan prove that children, who are taught a number of areas during their school years, tend to show 34% higher and more creative performance working on their assignments as they try various approaches to the tasks. From another perspective, the addition of practical tasks in a school curriculum can make the youth prepared for
life
Use synonyms
 situations in suitable settings. Having trained abilities, they can increase professionalism earlier, after noticing their talents in certain areas.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of acknowledging the world in theories, they understand how things really work and apply them
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 practice.
For instance
Linking Words
, the institutions in Kazakhstan
areobliged
Correct your spelling
are obliged
 to have skill-based classes
such
Linking Words
 as first aid, cooking and carpentry. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
 system, people are capable of covering their daily needs from
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. In conclusion, even though a number of science-based classes are beneficial for the versatile development of the youth, I reckon that teaching practical abilities is
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 contribution to them as they assist in
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 adaptability in
life
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity and ensure that your main points are directly linked to your opinion. This will enhance the clarity of your argument.
coherence
Ensure that you use appropriate conjunctions and transitions throughout your essay to improve the flow of ideas. This can enhance coherence.
coherence
Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to indicate what the paragraph will discuss. This can help guide the reader's understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
Your use of relevant statistics and examples, particularly from Kazakhstan, adds significant value to your argument and demonstrates good understanding of the topic.
coherence
The essay is well-structured overall, with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas, making it easier to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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