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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart gives information about the level of water in reservoirs of six Australian cities in October 2009 and October 2010.

The bar chart gives information about the level of water in reservoirs of six Australian cities in October 2009 and October 2010.
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The bar chart compares the information about
water
Use synonyms
 storage in reservoirs of six cities in Australia between
October
Use synonyms
 2009 and
October
Use synonyms
 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest amount of
water
Use synonyms
 was in Canberra,
whereas
Linking Words
 in Melbourne was the lowest one. As the chart shows, starting with the highest one. In Canberra in 2009 was 75% of Australian
water
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2010 the percentage increased to 98%.
Then
Linking Words
, in Sydney in 2009
October
Use synonyms
 there was 75%
water
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, in 2010 the figure increased to 81%. The next city was Perth. In 2009 was less
water
Use synonyms
 than in 2010 in Perth, 40% and 61%, respectively. The remaining three cities were Brisbane, Darwin, and Melbourne. In Brisbane, the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 in 2009 and 2010 was the same, in 2009 and 2010 was 55% each.
Then
Linking Words
, in Darwin in 2009,
October
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 more
water
Use synonyms
 than in 2010, 45% and 38%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 city was Melbourne which had the lowest
water
Use synonyms
 7. reservoirs. In 2010
water
Use synonyms
 in Melbourne’s reservoir was more than in 2009, 38% and 25%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, october with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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