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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the number of research students in Australian universities in 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart represents the percentage of
research
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in Australian
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 between
2001and
Correct your spelling
2001 and
 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2001, there were
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some fluctuations
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
research
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as local
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 showed
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 largest percentage at 44
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
research
Use synonyms
 learner registered by
non local
Add a hyphen
non-local
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 around 4%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 2010, local Male Puck up a
highist
Correct your spelling
high
 point
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 73,
while
Linking Words
non local
Add a hyphen
non-local
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
sow
Correct your spelling
saw
show examples
 a sharp decline.
Finally
Linking Words
, the second common
research
Use synonyms
 by
Add an article
a non
the non
show examples
non local
Add a hyphen
non-local
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
periods
Correct article usage
the periods
show examples
given
Add a missing verb
is given
show examples
. In conclusion, the local male
shown
Add the auxiliary verb
showed
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
up word
research
Use synonyms
 in both
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words research with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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