SOME PEOPE THINK THAT SPENDING A LOT OF MONEY ON BIRTHDAYS AND MARRIAGES CELEBRATIONS IS A WASTE OF MONEY BUT OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO THE YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE SOCIETY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

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There is no denying the fact that

money

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management is

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apply

show examples

essential.

While

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it is a commonly held belief that spending on birthday or marriage celebrations is wasteful, there is an argument that some

people

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consider that it is crucial to young individuals and societies.

This

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essay will analyse

this

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topic from both points of view and express my opinion.On the one hand, some

people

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believe that spending a large amount of

money

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on celebrations is lavish.

In other words

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, we should save funds for essential needs,

such

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as health care, a down payment for a house, and

also

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a car.

In addition

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, individuals must learn how to manage financial resources to face difficult circumstances, like emergency surgery or losing a job.

For example

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, when you learn

money

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management, you will know how to secure your future and overcome it easily.

On the other hand

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, some

people

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want to spend

special

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a special

the special

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day with family and friends, which is a kind of reason to celebrate. It is

also

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possible to say that young

people

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always ensure to create memorable memories with the

people

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they love.

Moreover

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, in many countries,

people

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may not know

the

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their

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neighbours, which makes the celebration a reason to build relationships and communicate with them.

For instance

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, in Japan,

people

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send invitations to far and near neighbours to celebrate birthdays together.In conclusion. There are no easy answers to

this

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question. On balance,

however

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, I tend to believe that we should celebrate our special days, but without wasting

money

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mnm_234Wed Feb 05 2025

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task achievement

While your introduction sets the context well, consider making the thesis statement clearer by directly stating your opinion at the end. This will help guide the reader more effectively.

coherence and cohesion

The views are presented reasonably well, but to enhance coherence, link your ideas more smoothly. For example, using transition phrases can help the flow of arguments.

task achievement

Try to elaborate more on each point to make your arguments more comprehensive. For instance, provide more specific examples or detailed reasoning for why celebrations are important.

coherence and cohesion

You have made a good effort to address both sides of the argument, which is important in opinion essays.

task achievement

Your examples, such as the cultural practice in Japan, add relevant context and help illustrate your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

249 words

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SOME PEOPE THINK THAT SPENDING A LOT OF MONEY ON BIRTHDAYS AND MARRIAGES CELEBRATIONS IS A WASTE OF MONEY BUT OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO THE YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE SOCIETY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Sometimes, tourists may damage tourist sites. Explain what some of the negative effects may be. Suggest some solutions to this problem

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree that out of the country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health and education and preventive measures?

The amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this the best way to deal with this problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

In modern societies, it is possible for people to go shopping, work and communicate via the internet without face-to-face communication. Is it a positive or negative development?