IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays a few people take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a Business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on them and on their family?

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There are
long standing
Add a hyphen
long-standing
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debate
Fix the agreement mistake
debates
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 regarding
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
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 it is appropriate to take their family to a
business
Use synonyms
 setting. Some
belive
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believe
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 that,
maintaing
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maintaining
 a family bond is as important as attending
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
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 important tenure,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it should be kept
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
. Attending
business
Use synonyms
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
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aqcuired extremly
Correct your spelling
required extremely
 long hours, even days for one
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
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 to be away from loved ones. A study from UNICEF states that spending an appropriate amount of our daily with family could boost productivity and hold a strong bond for each member of the family.
In addition
Linking Words
, after a long day at a
business
Use synonyms
 meeting, one can
continue
Add the particle
continue to
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 have additional
lesuire
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time. Meanwhile, others believe that bringing their family abroad actually
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 additional stress which eventually
result
Change the verb form
results
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 in
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 low productivity.
For example
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, the parent would be
to
Replace the word
too
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 busy or exhausted with the
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of taking care of the children, which
then
Linking Words
 made him unfocused and distracted to do his task.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in hopes
to answer
Change preposition
of answering
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 the long
Correct your spelling
discussion
discusion
Correct your spelling
discussion
 on
Correct your spelling
whether
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wether
Correct your spelling
whether
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 is it appropriate to take family to
Use synonyms
business
Add an article
a business
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 setting, I believe that bringing family
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
a business
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 trip could boost productivity

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your position on it. A thesis statement can help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs to clearly separate advantages and disadvantages. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, especially when discussing the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
You've addressed a relevant topic and presented both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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