Topic 4: Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life?

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The importance of some
individual's
Change the noun form
individuals
individual

It appears that the noun individual's should not be in the possessive form. Consider changing it to the non-possessive singular or plural form.

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have
Wrong verb form
having

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have. Consider changing it.

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an
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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abilty
Correct your spelling
ability

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to explore their path
of
Change preposition
to

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success during their childhood and consistency and
clear
Correct article usage
a clear

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vision
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide

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them
fulfilment
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with fulfilment

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, which was always been debatable and has now become more
controverisla
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controversial

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with many
people
Use synonyms

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claiming that it is beneficial. In my
opinipn
Correct your spelling
opinion

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, realistic
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals

It seems that goal may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and self
accessment
Correct your spelling
assessment

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appears
Change the verb form
appear

It appears that the singular verb appears does not agree with the plural compound subject realistic goal and self accessment. Consider changing the verb to the plural form.

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to be more rational to adopt satisfying working progress.
This
Linking Words

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essay will elaborate
positieve
Correct your spelling
positive

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effects of
this
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trend and
thus
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will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I completely welcome
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement and will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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behind
this
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, numerous
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are born with
extra ordinary
Correct your spelling
extraordinary

The word extra ordinary seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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talent, daily exercise and commitment,
lead
Correct pronoun usage
which lead

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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to a
money making
Add a hyphen
money-making

It seems that money making is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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profession. For
instence
Correct your spelling
instance

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,
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists

It seems that artist may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as, actors,
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians

It seems that musician may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and dancers
performing
Wrong verb form
perform

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb performing. Consider changing it.

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specific artform from their childhood, a
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term

It seems that long term is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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experience fosters
fruitfull
Correct your spelling
fruitful

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results in future. Another striking aspect in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

regard is that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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guridance
Correct your spelling
guidance

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and teachers channelise their
peers
Change to a genitive case
peer's
peers'

It appears that the word peers should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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attention to a specific path and provide needed
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance

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and
resorces
Correct your spelling
resources

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to achieve success, proper instruction and dedication
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide

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effortless benefits and work fulfilment. On second thought,
couple
Change the article
a couple

It appears that the phrase couple does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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of reasons drive me to consider
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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notion as well, work pleasure is
individuals
Correct article usage
an individuals

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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choice,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should set realistic
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals

It seems that goal may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to gain
progressive
Correct article usage
a progressive

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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career,
favorable
Correct article usage
a favorable

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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work routine,
Correct article usage
a positieve

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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positieve
Correct your spelling
positive

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job atmosphere and
simple
Correct article usage
a simple

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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living
standad
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standard

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facilitate job happiness and stable income, halping nature from colleagues and team leader alleviates peace of mind and supresses mental health challanges. To
recapitualte
Correct your spelling
recapitulate

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,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the arguments and aforementioned, I
reaches
Change the verb form
reach

It appears that the subject pronoun I and the verb reaches are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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the conclusion that the benefits of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

explore
Wrong verb form
exploring

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb explore. Consider changing it.

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satisfying and
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful

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profession
Replace the word
professional

The word profession doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths

It seems that path may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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earlier in their lives are indeed
to
Replace the word
too

The word to may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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great.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, other effective notions to achieve fulfillment and money
making
Verb problem
money-making

There may be a verb use issue here.

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career should not be overlooked either.

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grammar
Improve grammar and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'individal's' to 'individuals', 'opinion' to 'opinion'), and ensure correct usage of vocabulary (e.g., 'positive' instead of 'positieve').
task achievement
Try to clearly state your viewpoint in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay.
coherence
Use more varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
content
You have provided some good examples of professions that benefit from early exploration, such as artists and athletes.
argumentation
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showcasing your ability to consider different viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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