IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today many young people spend too much of thier free time at shopping malls.This can be considered negative for young people and society generally.To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 are designed for people's
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
Numerous
Change the article
A numerous
The numerous
show examples
 number of young ones used to go there in their free
time
Use synonyms
.Some kind of citizens believe that
this
Linking Words
 will show a false image to the public but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am not completely agree
Change the verb form
do not completely agree
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 statement
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
 my statement in
this
Linking Words
 passage.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Big
malls
Use synonyms
 are designed for public free
time
Use synonyms
 as a lot of young ones go there and have
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great fun
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the big market.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a survey taken by western
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
 university in the year 2023 shows that those juvenile who used to visit the
malls
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3 times a week seems to be
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
 than others as they spend their free
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a good place where they can play bowling and do shopping
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
secondly
Linking Words
, When teenagers
grooming
Wrong verb form
groom
show examples
 around these big
malls
Use synonyms
 more often than usual they get a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 of
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 free all the
time
Use synonyms
 which is not a good sign for their future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, rather than pupils waste their
time
Use synonyms
 on other things they used to do study or they can learn
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 skill which helps them in their future to have a better job opportunity.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think young people should go to shopping
malls
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 they should reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 which they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 on their.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion regarding the statement, and try to summarize your main points. This helps set the context for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
When forming your paragraphs, use clear topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and improve logical flow.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples, as this will strengthen your argument and provide more depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your work for spelling, grammatical errors, and clarity to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The use of a survey to support your argument is a great idea; it indicates research and adds credibility to your points.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion throughout your essay, which is important for this kind of task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: