IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people want the main purpose of television should be education while others think that TV should be for entertainment only. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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There are some extensive opinions
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on wether
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wether
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whether
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television
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 should
solemly
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solemnly
solely
 provide
entertaintment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 educational purposes. Some believe,
Correct word choice
that televison
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televison
Correct your spelling
television
, as educational usage could
boarden
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broaden
 the range of its
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
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,
whereas
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 if for
enterntainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 would only seclude them. Both
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
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 have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 advantages, but using
television
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 for educational purposes could be more beneficial
Firstly
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, there are extensive people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are searching channels for up-to-date news of something they are yet to know Research from Bloomberg shows that 80
percent
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per cent
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 of people gained additional knowledge
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 something they watched.
In addition
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, by making education
as
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apply
show examples
a goal,
television
Use synonyms
 would
also
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 be useful for others as a form of media for educational purposes. Meanwhile, others who
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that TV should be specialized for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 only opt for a more centralized area of
entertainment
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. They seek the viewers to focus on the elements of the
entertainment
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 that are rarely seen by the people.
This
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 specification is encouraged to
further
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informed
Wrong verb form
inform
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 the public what the world of
entertainment
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 could offer.
To sum up
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, the usage of
television
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 could offer two areas namely: education
or
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and
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entertainment
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.
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Even though
Eventhough
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Even though
entertainment
Use synonyms
 offers viewings of specifications of media
for
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apply
show examples
, educational usage
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more beneficial for the purpose of
television
Use synonyms

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grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy, especially in word forms and spelling (e.g., 'solely,' 'entertainment,' 'broaden,' etc.).
content
Work on the clarity of your arguments and ensure that each point is fully developed with examples and explanations.
cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'on the other hand').
structure
You have structured your essay with clear paragraphs discussing different viewpoints, which is a good approach.
examples
Your choice of examples regarding the educational use of television is relevant and helps to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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