IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In several regions, the number of people, who are experiencing emotional distress has been rising. There are multiple contributors to
this
Linking Words
 issue. Mental pressure in
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
 and personal problems are some of them. I believe that having a psychologist at businesses and making them accessible through web-based applications can facilitate to decrease the
stress
Change preposition
of stress
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 levels. Nowadays, there are numerous factors that are affecting a person's
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. Current employment rates, fiscal problems,
workforce
Correct word choice
and workforce
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 displacement can be given as examples. Primary contributors are the overwhelming responsibilities that adults have.
In other words
Linking Words
, things are a lot more difficult than in the past, especially when
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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 economic circumstances are taken into consideration,
such
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 as inflation.
For instance
Linking Words
, people are struggling to raise their children.
Besides
Linking Words
, it is even more challenging to get a raise
at
Change preposition
in
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 their professions, the displacements and unemployment rates are higher than ever.
Thus
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, these can all lead to mental disorders and even worsen the situation by causing severe psychological burdens. To prevent
this
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 issue, new measures should be applied as it poses
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 threat to human health. To obtain
this
Linking Words
, businesses and authorities must implement stricter regulations
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
counselling
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their departments or giving the choice to see one online. To illustrate, a worker must have the option to see a psychologist at the office whenever they want.
In addition
Linking Words
, since workplaces
are consist
Change the verb form
consist
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 of a substantial number of citizens, developments should be applied especially in
this
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 area.
For instance
Linking Words
, mental breakdowns could be prevented by allowing employees to take
vacation
Fix the agreement mistake
vacations
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 from time to time. In conclusion,
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
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 mental problems are today's reality. Even though there are many factors affecting human mental health,
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 is one of the main causes. It is possible to mitigate its effects by changing the
insfracture
Correct your spelling
in fracture
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment's
Change noun form
employment
show examples
 rights.

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task achievement
While the introduction outlines the issues, adding a clearer thesis statement that reflects your position could strengthen it. Make sure to clearly state the causes and the solutions you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear focus. Each paragraph should stick to one main idea and develop it fully before moving to the next point. This will improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to illustrate your points. While you mention general issues like economic conditions, personal examples or data can make your arguments more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transitions between your ideas for better cohesion. Using linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
content
Your essay addresses an important contemporary issue, indicating relevance and understanding of the topic.
content
You have shown an awareness of various contributing factors to stress, which displays critical thinking and analysis.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
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