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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the outcomes of a questionnaire that
intrducing
Correct your spelling
introducing
 why Individuals
deciced
Correct your spelling
decided
 to move to the city between 2000 and 2015. The data was presented in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed that the proportion of moved to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
,
study
Use synonyms
, family friends and adventure
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increare sigaficantly
Correct your spelling
increased significantly
 over the period given. Looking at the first reason, the
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 of inhabitants who went
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 urban
erea
Correct your spelling
area
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 was started at 60,000. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it
was grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 rapidly to almost 70,000 in 2005. Compared
employment
Use synonyms
 wity
study
Use synonyms
, from 2005
do
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 2010, the percentage of citizens who decided to
went
Change the form of the verb
go
show examples
 to
employment
Use synonyms
 was much higher than those who went to
study
Use synonyms
. So, it went up from 70,000 to 91,000
while
Linking Words
thos
Correct your spelling
those
 who
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
incrrased
Correct your spelling
increased
 from around 50,000 to about 55,000. Both
percentage
Change to a plural noun
percentages
show examples
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 and
study
Use synonyms
 were the same at just under 90.000 in 2015. Regarding the third
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
, approximately 10,000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people visited
urban
Add an article
the urban
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 to saw their
relavent
Correct your spelling
relatives
 and friends in 2000.
Then
Linking Words
, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose gradually to 21,000 in 2015.
Whilst there
Correct word choice
There
show examples
 was a slow
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people who visited
massive
Add an article
the massive
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
to adventure from 10,000 in 2000 to 12,000 in 2015.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, study with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "move" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • relocation motivations
  • employment opportunities
  • educational reasons
  • family reunification
  • cultural pursuits
  • trend analysis
  • data patterns
  • anomalies
  • fluctuations
  • consistent growth
  • declining factors
  • external influences
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