IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion. À

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In the
modernization
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modern
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 era, there are opposite views about
advertisements
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's purpose. A large of people think that consumers usually spend money on unnecessary items when they watch
advertisements
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,
in contrast
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, others believe that there are wide variety of beneficial information in each advert about just-released
products
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. Two aforementioned views will be discussed th in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. There are many reasons why
customers
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 feel that they will have information about new
products
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 thanks to adverts. Every day, there is an enormous amount of goods produced that buyers can not know about all of them and some new items will be ignored. One more problem is that people usually don’t comprehend how to operate a product which has been just launched.
Thus
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,
advertisements
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 are a bridge to connect users with new
products
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.
For example
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, in Apple adverts, they always give their new technological
equipments'
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equipments
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 features.
Furthermore
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,
unless
Correct word choice
apply
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a product
have
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has
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 a range of serious consequences
to
Change preposition
for
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 both companies and consumers. One of those is new
products
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 are difficult to reach
customers
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vice
Correct word choice
and vice
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 versa
customers
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 cannot find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
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products
Correct article usage
the products
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 to meet their needs.
However
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, I am of the opinion that advertisement is a factor promoting
customers
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 to buy inessential goods. Currently, citizens is too easy to see the advert, it appears everywhere
such
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 as on the street, on one’s social network or even in email. One of the goals of these adverts is to increase revenue for production
firm
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firms
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. Companies have plenty of ways to make individuals purchase their
products
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,
includes
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including
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 employing influencers or well-known artists,
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
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, and television commercials.
Nevertheless
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, they even use deceptive ways like magnifying the use of
products
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.
This
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 facilitates public payout of useless things because of their stunning image.
Therefore
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,
this
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 supports the publisher can
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
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 all inventory and preventing overdue
products
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 .
For instance
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, in my country, buyers have a trend
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to spend money on insignificant goods, mostly from China.
To sum up
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, despite the believed value of advertising in terms of providing information for the general public,
customers
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 are often tricked into buying
products
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 which are of little use in their lives. From my perspective, people should ignore
advertisements
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 and buy only what they need.

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task achievement
Try to clarify the introduction by rephrasing the main topic and including a clear thesis statement indicating your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-organized and each one starts with a clear topic sentence that guides the reader.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with more examples or explanations to support your arguments adequately.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid grammatical inaccuracies such as 'advertisements's', and ensure the sentence structures are varied and clear.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your views and provides a clear recommendation.
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