some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays

children

Use synonyms

spend all

time

Correct pronoun usage

their time

show examples

on their

smart phone

Correct your spelling

smartphones

show examples

.Absolutely it is a negative development

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it is a harmful hobby for their physical and mental health. It has several reasons for

this

Linking Words

habit.At

first,

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

lives

Change the verb form

live

show examples

in small apartments

instead

Linking Words

of big houses with free space for playing physical games.

For example

Linking Words

,they have to sit and play video games,play with their

smart phones

Correct your spelling

smartphones

show examples

over

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watch TV,etc.The

second,

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

is about changes

people's

Change preposition

in people's

show examples

lifestyles.In the past,every family had

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

many

children

Use synonyms

and they played games with their siblings,opposite of now.These days most family has

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one or two

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

not more

than

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Hence

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

don't have any choice except

using

Change the verb form

to use

show examples

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

and

technology

Use synonyms

for entertainment.

On the other hand

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation has some positive

point

Fix the agreement mistake

points

show examples

.The first one is , learning how to use

technology

Use synonyms

and

using

Verb problem

apply

show examples

robots;

Children

Use synonyms

have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

communication

Replace the word

communicated

show examples

with

technology

Use synonyms

since were born.

For example

Linking Words

,when they are 1 or 2 years old,they start

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching TV and animations , or maybe they use some advanced toys.

Therefore

Linking Words

,they understand some tips and techniques for using gadgets.

Second

Change the article

The second

show examples

one is ,

Use synonyms

children

Correct word choice

that children

show examples

who were born in

generation

Capitalize word

Generation

show examples

Z ,Alpha,and Beta are smarter than the past generation.

Then

Linking Words

they learn quickly and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

remember everything.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, in the

future

Add a comma

future,

show examples

they can enhance

technology

Use synonyms

. In summary,disadvantages are more than advantages.

Due to

Linking Words

phisycal

Correct your spelling

physical

and mental health,become lazy,don't challenge their minds,and don't

brainstorming

Wrong verb form

brainstorm

show examples

.These

are have

Change the verb form

have

show examples

negative effects on

children

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

ieltswriting345Wed Feb 05 2025

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument against children spending excessive time on smartphones, but it could be strengthened by elaborating on the negative effects in more detail and considering the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly.

coherence and cohesion

Consider improving the logical flow of your essay. For example, the transition between reasons for smartphone use and the positive aspects could be smoother. Try to use linking phrases to better connect your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to separate your ideas clearly into paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument, which will improve clarity and organization.

task achievement

You have highlighted both the negative and positive aspects of children spending time on smartphones, showing that you can consider different perspectives.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the matter, which establishes a strong position from the beginning of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

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some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Some people who have been successful in society don’t attribute their success to the theoretical knowledge they learned from their university. Do you agree that theoretical knowledge is not as valuable as expected?